Is it possible for him to change? Because I'm not buying it.?

Recently I've found out that the Daddy to my baby girl has been cheating through out our relationship. The thing that scares me is that it's been during times that I would say have been the peak of happiness during our relationship rather than the worst of times.

Another thing that scares me is that I had no worries or paranoid suspicions that he was doing all this stuff behind my back.

I'm really hurt because I have put my all, 100% into our relationship. While he's been messing about. I hadn't looked nor thought about another guy. He's quite a paranoid person and now it kind of makes sense why.

He joined dating websites for people who are in a relationship that want to cheat. I feel so humiliated and insecure it's unreal.

He said that he is 100% mine from now on but he's been using other girls and cheap thrills to get by in this relationship so I'm not buying that he'll never do it again. However we have a 11 month old baby girl together so it's not possible to just cut him off and move on. I told him is he sure that he wants to be with me because I'm going to be really paranoid and need re-assuring most of the time. He said he can handle it as it's understandable.

Can someone change after being caught? Do you think someone will continue cheating after being caught because they see it more of a challenge?

I just want a lot of opinions on this to help me look at the bigger picture.
Updates:
I hate this so much! I bet it's my bipolar that's pushed him away. :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to hear about this, damn that sucks. You are going to have to leave him, you sound like you deserve someone equally committing and loyal as yourself. I hope he can still be a good dad at least, never get back with him though, just leave the door open for your daughter to be in his life, which is going to be tough to stay away...hope things work out.

    I do think people can change, but they have to do it for themselves, relationships can't endure this type of thing, you will have to shut him out of your life and not play around with the idea of him changing or a relationship ever working...five years down the road...just check then, but the baggage would just be too much, your daughter, the betrayal, you guys should just be on a strictly business type of relationship, maybe even with a median when you have to cross paths.

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What Guys Said 7

  • No, he won't change, and any effort you spend on trying to change him will just be wasted. The truth is that he's WAY too selfish and really doesn't care about the hurt and pain this causes you. If I had to bet, I'd say that this is definitely not the ONLY area he was clearly selfish about, but you chose not to see his selfishness in other areas, or excused it. It's a rare person who is THAT selfish but contains it to only a single aspect of their life.

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  • The chances aren't good, especially since he's actually been trying to search out these women on the internet.

    It's not as if he just accidentally met a temptress and weakened once.Even that would be bad enough.

    Some people think that cheaters will only cheat if things aren't good at home.Like you say;you thought it was perfect and gave it your 100%.I'll bet he didn't ask for anything more, or was ever refused.A thief will still steal from you, even when you show him generousity.

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  • I would find a therapist that specializes in cheating and breakups before getting back with him. Hopefully they can help. Yes people can change (I prefer to call it grow). Honestly, if this happened to me I would move. I think relationships tend to be harder the longer they last generally so if there's already huge problems like this I'd find someone new. Consider the couples therapy though. That may give you perspective to see what you want.

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  • It's pretty extreme to be cheating right through an entire relationship, and like you, I'm skeptical he will ever change.

    More likely, he'll try harder to hide it from you from now on!

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  • It's not going to work out.

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  • Possible? Sure. Likely? No.

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  • People can always change, but with your attitude it wouldn't matter if he did since you wouldn't believe him.

    That said, I think you chose poorly, he probably won't change. But hey you got a daughter out of it, and that was your plan all along was it not?

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What Girls Said 3

  • i am sorry to tellbut i doubt that he will stop it , sex with stranger sometimes takes toll over some men's minds , the thrill of it and the pleasure of it takes control of him that he can't stop it , and i see that you are pretty so he didn't have the need to do such a thing , can you keep on life with him knowing that he might be cheating?

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  • I think you need to move on and set bounderies and limits. I know that is very hard to do seeing you have a kid together. you deserve better and if you give him another chance then you are just allowing him to walk all over you. if you move on then you are saying I care about myself more and deserve better and their is nothing wrong with that. I would seek some professional counseling for your self to get over the pain over your husband cheating on you especially for the sake of your daughter or a support group if not both.

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  • You should want NOTHING to do with him. He won't change. I'm divorced. They never change. People. Don't. Change.

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