Boyfriend is thinking about breaking up because he is hurting me?

How do I deal with this.
we have SUCH a long history together, 4 years.
He admitted that for a while he's been having thoughts about ending it because of his own selfish reasons. He said it kills him to think of with me with another man, even just being good friends with them (nothing inappropriate) even though he likes to go out and party once in a while and talk to anyone cool, including girls. Sometimes going as far as to getting their numbers. There was a few times where he had talked to them behind my back as friends, but when I found out he ceased communication... And is good to me for a while then makes the same mistake. He says he never cheated but he lies and lies to avoid hurting me.

I've explained to him lately numerous times that the truth will sting at the moment, but it may be the best thing to hear to make letting him go easier.

Yesterday he also admitted on the last 2 days of his trip to Arizona to see his best friend, he drove to Vegas and stayed there with some random guy he met...like it was a really spontaneous thing.

Lately he's been talking to this girl (who he finds out now she is in a serious relationship with) and her boyfriend asked them to stop talking because there was just too much drama and lying on both ends. I asked him why he couldn't stop talking to her and he said she is so much like him and he just thinks of her as a really cool friend.
He told me just cos she has a bf doesn't mean he's going to stay with me... since she opened his eyes on what flaws he has with me.

I don't know what to think or do anymore...

This weekend at a party he got into a fight with someone for hitting on me.

And then later the next day cried to me saying he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and it may be the best thing to do if we break up.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • As much as you don't want to hear this, and it will probably "sting," your boyfriend of 4 years is trying to tell you that he wants to break-up...No doubt about it. He's tired of seeing you cry, sick of hurting you, and he, himself, is dying inside.
    I am putting him Now in this category of how many of today's toms are: Sporadic, unpredictable, and non committal. They are afraid of the Big "C", which is Commitment, and do Not want to be hooked at the hip, or to continue. He is no exception to my rule.
    He wants his freedom, no strings attached, and although he may be there by your side to protect you from others, he Does still want you in his life, but most likely to sit on the sidelines to watch and observe.
    He is lying to you, and even admits it, and although he says he is not cheating right now, he is Cheating You as his soul mate, and your hurting heart as well.
    He wants to stop hurting you, it's killing him inside, so he "lies and lies" to try to have the best of both worlds and to Avoid fighting with you. He has been Hinting and Hawing that he wants to go Out there, be adventurous, meet new people, mingle and marvel, and each day nothing is done to fix the problem, is only going to get worse, causing More "spontaneous things."
    Being you both Do have this 4 year "history," might I suggest taking a break, instead of just---Breaking-up altogether. You both need to sit down and have a serious soul searching convo, and try to come to some compromise, before the hurting ends up to be hatred.
    You have nurtured and nursed this relationship for a very long time, but sadly it's not continuing to bloom anymore, and if it takes Him to go out there and sow his wild oats, then I hope I have helped "open your eyes" to what he wants and needs right now in his life.
    Have this talk soon. It may not make you hurt any less, but the situation you're both in at the moment is unhealthy, and should Cease before there is not even communication.
    Good luck.xx

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What Guys Said 2

  • Girl, let me tell you this. You need to get out of that relationship ASAP. Life is too short to be with someone that doesn't want you back. He is clearly itching to get out, he feels trapped and smothered being with you, he wants to break free, but he can't because both of you have developed such a strong attachment. But things will escalate if you keep going, there will be a much bigger confrontation eventually. The dude clearly has seen other girls, and feels a pile of guilt. That guilt is going to explode and come out eventually. Once a relationship hits the downward spiral there's no returning back. You must break it off yourself, and give him what he wants. Free yourself and him. Your friend and pal baddy2shoos. Done.

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  • Sounds like a mess. You're in the 18-24 range to. Time to start fresh. Nothing should be this messy.

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