After a huge argument we haven't spoken for 2 weeks.?

My single friend was on OKCUPID and she found my boyfriend of 1 year on the site listed as single and looking for "new friends, short term dating, long term dating"

She called and told me and as soon as my bf saw who was looking at his site, he deactivated his account.

When he came over I told him everything I saw on the site and that I know he's an active user of the site. He said that the site is nothing a and he should have told me about it and he only used it to look at profiles and he created it a long time ago before we met. And I asked him why was he changing his profile picture and updating information if he was just using the site for looking at other people. He tried to turn the issue on me and was saying like if I dont trust him then "what's the point." And i told him if he had time to update his pic and info, why didn't he change his relationship status or what he was looking for on the site.

He told me when he leaves my place he is going to send me the user name and pswd to the account so i can see he wasn't talking to anyone. and I told him that he should just log in in front of me and he said no bc that was humiliating and if i dont trust him there is no point to the relationship. I told him that with the information present and seeing how active he is on the site I have no reason to trust him anymore.
So I told him not to text me anymore.

Haven't spoken for 2 weeks. I was more upset that he thought it was ok to be single on a dating site. I dont think he cheated but i didn't like that he didn't come to apologize.

What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with vmw2008, however, I will add that while he may not have cheated in a traditional sense, he was looking to. I'm around guys the vast majority of time, and the only time guys get on dating sites of any kind is to get girls, NOT "just to look at profiles".

    If you haven't officially broken up, do it now and don't ever take him back. He WILL do it again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will eventually do it again.

    I'm sorry you had to go through this. If you need anymore help feel free to ask.

    p.s. Make sure you thank your friend for having your back if you haven't already. A lot of people wouldn't have gotten involved.

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    • I told him not to text me anymore because I will block him and he said dont bother blocking me. hasn't texted or called since. He tried to make it seem like me not trusting him hurted him more than anything.

      Im not even really hurt about the site anymore. Its the fact that he didn't try to fix things afterwards.

    • Show All
    • As I said , what he did was wrong and breaking up with him was the right choice.

      However, from his point of view, he probably never got over you giving your number out to other guys. In the back of his mind, he most likely thought you were looking for someone else. It can be extremely difficult to trust someone after that.

      He chose to stay with you, but like so many others, he probably didn't truly move on from it. So, he ended up doing something similar to what you did.

      In the end, two wrongs don't make a right and it destroyed the relationship.

    • Also,

      I never hid giving out my number. And why these guys asked me if I was in a relationship I told them yes. and we would stop texting.

      But with the site, he put his relationship status as "single" and we had been exclusive for more than 1 year. And he never told me about the site. I was open and honest and when it came time for him to prove his honesty he bailed. I feel like he was looking for a way out of the relationship. I suggested us taking a break in January because I was not happy in the relationship and he said "no and that we can't work it out if we aren't talking. and that we have something worth fighting for and we should take our relationship to the next level etc "

      So after the proposed break, I was done with talking to other guys he did not know. Obviously but he was not on the same page.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He was just trying to flip the tables on you because he got caught. "If you don't trust me then there's no point"? lol More like you saying "If I can't trust you then there's no point." You can't trust him. He was actively on the site. Whether he physically cheated or not is irrelevant because he was emotionally cheating.

    Don't over think this. Your gut reaction was right. Guys get away with behavior like this because they do a great job of making their girl feel guilty for "not trusting them." Do you think for even one second that he'd forgive you for doing the same thing? Especially if he was being completely faithful? No way in hell.

    Also, he wouldn't get on it in front of you not because he was embarrassed, but because he hadn't had a chance to delete his conversations yet. He was going to send you his password after he deleted all the convos with other girls first.

    Don't be fooled by the lies. A faithful guy would never be actively single on a dating site. And a remorseful guy would never have avoided apologizing if caught. He's neither faithful nor remorseful.

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    • Actually, he would forgive me...
      I used to give my number out at clubs and he asked me to stop bc it was hurting him. But I would never put that I was single on a dating site. Thats disrespectful. But why would he go through all the trouble and spend all the money?

    • Okcupid is free. No money involved. And he went through the trouble because he liked chatting and checking out girls. As for you giving out your number, you're right, that was a bad move. And maybe he felt justified in acting like this because it's similar to what you did. He was lying about your relationship though, and it was wrong either way.

    • I meant money in terms of the relationship. Like dinner and movies and things like that. Even when i gave out my number I told the guys I was in a relationship. However on the SITE ONLINE he decided to say he was single. I have never done that.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well, if he gave you his user and pass them check it out is the only thing I can say, if he is lying then you deserve someone else. If he's not lying then you should apologize to him...

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    • But what if he deleted the messages! I dont understand, if he wasn't happy why didn't he just say so...

      He never gave me the user name and password bc i told him i didn't want it if he didn't log in in front of me.

      Even if he wasn't talking to anyone, i dont like the fact that he didn't change the status to in a relationship.

    • I thinks he was definitely hiding something then you deserve better than him

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