My ex went no contact on me because I found out he lied & told him it wasn't going to work?

He looked me in my eyes & lied & i knew right then so i confronted it. the next day he tried to text me like everything was normal i took hours to reply & told him how i didn't think we could work because i lost all trust, he called & pleaded with me for hours to take him back after an hour of saying no I caved in and laid my conditions on the table, he agreed. i contacted him later on that night and he was already acting a bit weird. the next day while awaiting a response from him I began to think about the lie that caused all of this & right then i knew that the lie was going to haunt us forever. we were only about 2+ months deep and only 1 of those months being official but we has deep feelings. I really care for this guy & i didn't want it to end but i knew i could probably never trust him again & i didn't know if we could recover so i told him that we couldnt go further because of how insecure he made me feel about us. I don't know what i wanted, whether it was more reassurance or him agreeing but i knew i wanted a response. I never got one, after waiting like 3 hours for a reply i called him & he ignored my calls so i called some more until he texted me saying "if ur negative this isn't going to work" though i called partly because i never got a reply i was only going to remind him about the 30 bucks he owed me & i needed back for the next day but those words broke my heart because i really care for this guy and he is the one who killed this & now flipped it on me & thrown it away, i continued to text a few more times w/ no reply before giving up & telling him i didn't want the money back either, its been 3 days since I've contacted him and i haven't heard from him. I guess he went NC but i just feel sick to my stomach he treated me better than other guys things were so good until he lied about a girl. he is the one who messed up & i'm the one who said it wasn't going to work so why am i the one feeling guilty & dumped?


Most Helpful Guy

  • what was the lie about? did he actually cheat on you?

    It sounds to me like you wanted to be with him but couldn't totally forgive him and give the fresh start needed in these scenarios. that's not your fault it's usually very difficult to get past a lie, especially if it's not someone you are just out of this world in love with.

    why are you feeling guilty and dumped? probably because you do know that you were being negative after things went down. you feel dumped because he's sort of run away leaving you chasing him.

    I think what's best is to sort of take some time off and just allow each of you time to reflect on things. you can get your $30 later (which by the way was only a tool you were using to try and talk to him because you wouldn't call and call and call over $30)

    I don't blame you for your situation. It's really hard to move past a lie and truly and fully forgive, forget and start anew

    • from what i gathered he didn't actually cheat which i think i do believe...i do/did want to be with him but i was battling my own mind...i just needed him to reassure me a bit more as i flip flopped & acted mean but instead he flipped out on me & bailed...i feel like he is the one that messed up & he doesn't care enough to fix it..i was being super negative and mean but it hadn't even been a good 2 days since the lie...yes i know the 30$ wasn't my real intention but him ignoring me for being negative after he lied to me makes no sense...i feel i'm the real victim & he is playing a victim...i just dont know what to do now

    • I understand. I've been in your shoes. but is it really fair to just take out your anger on a person and not expect them to run away? I mean you can only apologize so much, after most people aren't going to tolerate (even if they may want to) dealing with someone who doesn't trust them...

      I don't blame either of you. Lost of trust in a relationship can be the sort of ultimate end...especially when it involves another person... again I think give some time and space. Allow yourself to collect your thoughts and really sort of figure out exactly what you want and it will allow him to sort of determine where he wants to be

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What Guys Said 2

  • going to be honest...didn't read your entire question here, mainly because you really don't have to.

    So, to get this straight...he's an ex, who you knew it wouldn't work out with, who in addition lied to you...and he wants no contact?

    Don't worry about the why, just be thankful that someone so lousy doesn't wanna speak to you anymore.

  • I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I think it may come out that way. I don't know all the details but this is what it sounds like to me. I think you feel guilty because you are guilty, of over reacting and making the issue bigger than it needed to be.

    You feel dumped because you were dumped. You weren't serious about breaking up with him and instead, were playing some mind game about dumping him, in order to punish him for lying. Instead of falling for the game and begging you to stay he just dumped you.

    I don't know the details of the lie, but there are all sorts of lies guys tell girls to avoid fights, even if we didn't do anything wrong. I learned the hard way that it is sometimes better to lie when I have done nothing wrong, than to let a woman's imagination run wild by being 100% honest.

    When we get questions like, "Does this make my butt like big?" or "Is the new girl you work with pretty?" we learn to lie about it, because even if we have done nothing wrong, our lives become a living hell if we don't lie. So without knowing the details it is hard to say what happened, but that is what it sounds like to me.

    I think he lied to avoid a fight that wasn't worth having. You flipped out, and he wasn't sticking around for a relationship filled with huge levels of distrust which creates the very drama he was hoping to avoid in the first place.


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