Is creating a fake profile to see if your ex is cheating wrong?

I recently went on my boyfriend's (of 1 1/2 years) computer and when I opened the internet, his dating website profile was on the screen. I confronted him and broke up with him. We had a long talk and he apologized. He said he would delete the profile and take us seriously. Four days later, he is still going on the site. I have not spoken to him about it just yet. I am trying to stay calm and see if he will delete it. I created a fake profile and sent him a message to see if he would respond. I feel terrible for doing this, but I need to know the truth about his intentions since he isn't being really honest with me. I KNOW this is wrong, but have you done this before? If you were caught, what was the outcome? Am I just as wrong as wrong for setting him up as he is for lying?
  • Would you created a fake website to catch your bf/gf?
    Vote A
  • Or is it just absolutely wrong?
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Well, he is NOT my ex, for now. We are currently back together.
I should have mentioned, that a week before I found out, he said things were going good between us and he didn't go on the dating website because of it. I did see that he hadn't been on there for a week. Now that we worked it out, he still is!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • its hard to say, yes the possibility of cheating is there but have you found any other evidence/signs? (Example other emails, him coming home constantly late due "To work"...)

    due what you gotta due if he's still using the sight in two plus weeks then just dump him and move on...your not a bad person for standing up to him and doing this.

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    • I didn't go through his emails. It's his phone that would be my target if I were to check anything else. If it get's to the point that I am waiting for that chance, then it will probably be over by then. I am trying to give him the chance. Friday nights we drink and I am afraid I am not going to be able to hold my tongue. I don't lie very well and I have trouble hiding my emotions. It is going to be difficult to not show him something is bothering me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • im assuming he's your bf again as you had the long talk and made up? its definitely wrong but in his case he just can't seem to stop going on the site talking to other girls.

    if he can't take your relationship seriously after 1 1/2 years then he's not the guy for you, he's a cheat and you can do much better.

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    • Although he swears he never has cheated and never would (and I believe him) do you think this can be put in the same category as cheating? I believe what he did was wrong, but others opinions about the online dating but not physically cheating interests me.

    • While it is not cheating literally. Lying is a red flag, lying leads to cheating.
      I should know, I broke up with my ex after she screwed up her 2nd chance.

      You could wait until he cheats, then break up with him. But then you'd be asking yourself 'why her not me'.
      If you break up before he does it, you will always wonder if he would have really cheated.

      Hard decision to make...

    • it depends on your own definition of cheating, i personally would put talking to other girls on a dating website in the cheating category because it signals he is looking to cheat or something more than friends behind your back and its one of those things where if you can't tell your partner and know theyll be ok with it then you're doing something you shouldn't be.

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What Guys Said 10

  • it's a waste of time. if you don't trust him that much to go and create a false identity to spy on him than you might as well not be with him in the first place

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    • That is what I am wrestling with right now. It's really hard to quite my heart and let my head make this decision. He swore to me that he would never actually meet anyone or cheat on me.

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    • I think you are right about both things. He does need constant attention. I am not sure if it is due to low self esteem, but he needs it. Also, he did tell me that things weren't going great between us so he was looking for someone else. He said he would have broken up with me before he cheated. But it is very hurtful to know that you are being held on to only until something better comes along.

    • agree 100%. I just find the behavior to pretty poor on his end.

  • It's fine since he lost your trust. And since he still hasn't deleted his profile, I'd say you need to make him your ex for good.

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    • I am really hoping he will prove me wrong. But so far, it doesn't seem to be the case. Like I said before, I am giving him a little more time to do the right thing. If he deletes the account before I confront him, I will let it go. Like I told him, I have lost some trust and will always be worried of it happening again.

  • Sounds to me like he's not convinced you're his long term prospect. That you're so insecure (even with a reason), I'd say you might want to see a pro about how to establish trust.

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  • Very cool and titillating
    but exquisite IF you NEVER let on
    what you discovered
    Would this be impossible for you?

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    • I am trying to approach this with a much calmer demeanor than I did on Monday. I think I can keep it to myself.

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    • Once a lad says something like that they will hurt you or cheat on you. Personal experience I did it once and I ended up hurting her. I didn't want to hurt her but I eventually did. I was a right jerk but I should never have got involved in the first place.

    • then he doesn't pass your test (s) so spend more time shopping around, not this

  • Are you 100percent sure he has been on the site everyday since he promised to delete it?

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    • Yes. The site tells you when and what time they were last on.

    • Then clearly he didn't stick to his word.

      You can ask him if he has been on that website since and talk about it. You've at least given him a chance.

      Or well... breakup with him over this?

  • So, its he with you now? If he's with you then, you should just calmly confront him. If he's your ex, then stay away from his life.

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    • Yes, we are together. I accidentally stumbled upon his dating profile Monday. Wednesday he told me he would permanently delete the account and he has been on the site each day since.

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    • I will admit, things weren't going great for a little while. But I believe that if you really love the person, you work through it. I will wait for the right time to bring it up. I am giving him a little bit longer to delete the website. But my trust in him now is slowly diminishing since he has not deleted the profile.

    • I guess you're right. I wish there were more women like you. You're tolerant. But just don't hesitate to teach him a lesson.

  • no because people are mean and have no morals, they will do what they need to do to get ahead. Lie, cheat, steal, etc.

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  • Might be morally wrong, but hey it's great fun !

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    • I wish I could agree that it is fun, but since he is my boyfriend, I could be setting myself up to get even more hurt. But at least I will learn the truth if he won't provide it to me himself.

    • Oh yes... but if he is.. just think of the trap you can set him. Go down smiling sweety

  • to see if your ex is cheating wrong

    First of all an ex can't cheat with you...

    second it is wrong, it's called stalking.

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    • As mentioned, we are back together...for now.

    • Going on and off with someone is a bad idea too...

  • Crazy ex-gf syndrome.

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What Girls Said 5

  • It's not only completely immature and wacky, it's also a heavy invasion of his privacy. Absolutely intolerable behaviour in my opinion.

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  • Yes its wrong , he is your fucking ex !!! Why do you care if he is cheating?

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  • no you gotta protect yourself, do what u gotta do.

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  • Yeah I would.

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  • Sort of, but so is cheating

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