If you cheated why do people act like you committed murder?

If you cheated why do people act like you committed murder?


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  • We are VERY uptight about sexuality in the states (assuming you are from the states). Christopher Ryan discussed how we are a society that suppresses sexuality and breeds warriors. And you end up with people who are almost violently possessive of the sexual relationships they DO have.

    As he put it, 50 years of marriage with 1 affair isn't being bad at monogamy, it's actually doing a pretty good job. But we treat ourselves as naturally monogamous creatures, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

    Mind you, it is certainly disrespectful. You are breaking a contract of fidelity you made with your partner. But beyond that, the crime is certainly inflated due to the intense stress and effort it takes to create such a relationship.

    Look up "If you want fidelity, get a dog" by Christopher Ryan. You could get a link to the Sydney Opera House website. He goes into much greater detail on the subject. I myself have read his book of which the discussion is about.

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    • I didn't expect anyone to bring CR up. Well played, good sir!

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    • I wouldn't say it trashes the concept. It explains it more than anything. Sexuality is REALLY important to our species in particular. Not for reproduction, but for emotional cohesion.

      The fact that people are particularly sensitive to sexual infidelity makes sense when most forms of intimacy are lacking.

    • That's what I meant. It answers the question perfectly eliminating the need to really explore it. There is, as usual, a scientific answer.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Because in many cases, it kills the heart's ability and willingness to trust again. It damages a person. Not physically, but mentally. And the damage isn't always reparable.

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    • There is something else. People get betrayed all the time in different ways yet the moment it's "cheating" bam, no recovery? Really? Someone controls you for years? Recovery imminent. Kisses another girl? Damaged for life.

  • Well I've never seen people react that badly to it but it's because it shows you can't be trusted and that usually you don't care about the person you cheated on.

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    • Most cheating is unplanned. There is very little between the activity and core intention so unfortunately due to not being premeditated it doesn't hold that proper weight (proof of disdain for another).

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    • I know; that's just what I was basing my answer off of.

    • In your case you're absolutely right

  • Because if you cheat, a murder will come soon after. They're just looking out for you.

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  • 'Cause in a way you did. You murdered your relationship.

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  • Murder is a violation of a social norm/more- it's policed by formal law as well as societal reactions and attitudes.
    Cheating is also a violation of a social norm/more, albeit a less taboo one. It used to be policed by formal law (still is in some places) and is still enforced by societal reactions.
    Now, I'm not saying betraying a person's trust by cheating is even in the same realm as taking another person's life.

    BUT the reason the people are so against cheating is because it violates a basic principle of society that keeps it relatively peaceful and calm. It's a necessity- if we didn't have certain rules, the world would be even more chaotic and violent than it is now.

    C'est la vie if you want to live in most human societies, though there are some that practice polygamy, polyandry, and basic relationship openness.

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    • You would think concrete abuse would be worse. Objective violations. Undeniable wrongs. Cheating? "You talked to someone I don't like!" can be cheating. Trust is important but overt betrayals are worth less or even accepted as normal.

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    • People brag about their abuse. Common convo: "I can get that bitch to do whatever I want." = "That man will buy me anything I tell him to." Bragging about cheating? Not so much.

      Misogynistic and misandrist jokes are rampant. Tell someone you cheated. Oh yeah, watch all the laughter disappear from the room.

    • Well, I don't know about the people you spend time with, but my friends and family would (and have) reacted negatively to such comments. But yes, you're right, in many cases manipulation and verbal abuse is tolerated more than cheating. Why? I guess in general we find it more socially acceptable, though I can agree with you it shouldn't be.
      Personally, I don't and I don't spend my time with people who feel it's acceptable to treat someone that way. Nor do I allow it to pass if someone treats one of my friends that way.

  • Because it fucking hurts when someone cheats on you. I can imagine it hurts to get murdered too.

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    • Does death have feeling, the moment of is often referred to as an end to suffering.
      But ur right right right too;
      Because it fucking hurts [agreed1skingraftedburnvict] & not like reg pain
      when u trusted someone, really have feelings for them, and it's a complete surprise that 1st time
      destroys part of a person and the part of self u lost w/o ever noticing was a bit of u people could truly feel good about, i don't know if anyone gets that back.

  • They hold strong belief is they gave their heart and soul to that person and they trashed it. I can't say that is murder. Its stupid if they want to think otherwise.

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  • https://vimeo.com/10274582 Because you have killed me.

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    • I think it's hype. You found the missing link. Most cheating is never discovered so while all advise is overt and actually damaging in real time this idea somehow overpowers this. It's interesting!

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    • Thanks! Ps ocean waves make me pee

    • ,_, Do you pee in the ocean?

  • Because cheating is frown upon and being loyal is one of the important trait that a person should have when they are in relationship.

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  • Cuz you killed their heart.

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  • dont u think cheating is bad?

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    • Yes, but murder bad? No.

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    • Don't use GAG as an indicator for everything lol.

      Let's just agree to disagree lol

    • I'm not using GAG as an "indicator". It's an example, and a lowly one, but it proves the point even if weak. There's also nothing to even disagree on!

      Oh for goodness sake you didn't think this was some form of debate did you?

      No matter! Happy Easter ! :D

  • Well when you're in a relationship you're commited to your partner unless you tell her no. If you don't tell her about not being commited than cheating is like breaking an unspoken vow. You basically end up breaking the most sensative and personal part of your relationship. It's not murder, but I would say it's just as bad

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What Guys Said 17

  • Because you essentially told your girl that she was not good enough. You stuck your penis inside of another woman (Which is gross to most women.) and initiated the most scared form of human bonding two people can engage in- when you told her she was the only one for you.

    You took her hopes, her desires, her dreams that she had for you, and pissed on them. You told her she was not worthy, not acceptable, and that another woman, whom you did not even spend the time to get to know on the level you did your SO, was a better match- and you did not even have the balls to tell your girl while you were doing it.

    You will leave her feeling inferior, shaken, her trust shattered and raped. It may take years for her to fully recover from it- IF she ever recovers from it at all.

    You will forever taint her estimation of men- her hopes that maybe they could be faithful, and instill a nagging in the back of her mind and heart, that you cannot be trusted, ruining her for future men, even a man who would NEVER cheat on her, and stomp on her heart like that.

    It also shows that you never really loved her, and that you held onto a part of you that you were unwilling to surrender to her. You withheld it from her- and gave it to another woman, instead. It was cheating before you ever kissed your SO, because you kept that dark corner of your heart from her. When some other woman sparked it, you fell for her, forgetting every sweet, tender, wonderful thing you had with your SO, and going for a quick fix, of the soothing of that portion of your closed- off heart.

    Now, you lost your girls trust, and you have a relationship based wholly on sex with another woman. It won't work with either of them. If you are man enough to stay with your girl, you will have to re- earn her trust, and that, my friend, is something that may never be fully gained back. It is more intense if you are married. You may just lose them both.

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  • Cheating is one of the greatest emotional betrayals there are, it hurts a person so much that they'll probably be scarred for the rest of their life in some way.

    That being said, people don't act like you committed murder when you cheat. They react badly, sure, but have you actually seen a reaction to someone whose murderer? It's a lot worse.

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    • Branding someone for life as scum is pretty bad no matter the circumstance. That's murder bad. Chat when your 20 = offender for life.

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    • You need two data points. 1st offense and 2nd offense. Zero data for first offense was given and was just presumed through inference/assumption. At least now I see why this didn't make sense

    • The statistics I gave had far more than two data points, one was a government statistic and the other was professional study. I made a conclusion off this data, that's all.

  • It's extremely hurtful. Like Rail said, it's a betrayal.

    I wouldn't be as affected by it though. Sure, it would suck, but I know that shit like that happens all the time and there's nothing I can do about it but move on.

    I also think a lot of people get seriously pissed because it's one of those things that shows a lack of common decency to at least break up with your partner before going off and cheating. Know what I mean? If someone knows they're going to cheat then why not just let go of the relationship you're in, then it technically won't be cheating and the other person won't be as hurt. I think that gets under a lot of peoples' skin, rightly so.

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    • Research shows most cheating isn't planned. Also there are many forms of deception. Yet above all one shines like an exotic diamond. It is better to use and abuse a person for years than to chest on them? When did this happen? It's terrifying! Its so disproportionate.

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    • Yes, good point.

  • Have you ever watched most shows on Investigation Discovery? A heart of cheating usually is the first step to a heart of murder. Most understand a cheater isn't always going to become a murderer; but it's the first step down that road.

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  • Well nowadays there's double standards on it.

    If a man cheats, they treat it like murder yes. He's a horrible person and so on.

    If a woman cheats, people assume can still be pretty merciful to the woman and sympathize while she talks badly about her partner and people assume "he wasn't a good husband" or something like that.

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  • well like most of the fellow people said on here, cheating is a type of betrayal, yes murder is physical crime but cheating is an emotional crime. where you are still alive and have to deal with the dishonesty, backstabbing, and lies of the person you once loved/trusted. so i think people see that it hurts a lot to be betrayed like that, thus it almost makes them feel like they have been stabbed in the heart.
    :/

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  • Like a murderer has no respect for their victim, a cheater has no respect for their victim.

    You have absolutely no idea cheating can traumatize someone for life. And I am NOT exagerating one bit.

    Humanity has a long way in loving and respecting others.

    Now you know long term - faithful relationships are not for you. So do humanity a favor and don't hurt anymore future gf's

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    • What he said

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    • You don't know why she was withholding sex? Just nature and instinct.50% of women do this within 4 years of marriage, and they can't help it (chemicals in their head stop working;it's all over).They then find any and every reason to despise their partner.80% will do it within 25 years of marriage, even if their partner is a better man than ever before.

      At that stage, who has betrayed who? When a man is doing everything possible to keep his wife comfortable and happy, but receives only resentment and zero physical affection in return, has he not already been betrayed? Don't tell me it doesn't happen, because I know better, and partly from experience.

      Cheating can only exist when a monogamous sexual relationship exists.In many marriages there is no sexual relationship left.Once a year hardly counts for anything but a one night stand.

      In true monogamous relationships, cheating is a horrific thing.It would be kinder to put your partner in jail for as long as you've known them.

    • Yet despite this the inaction is not punished only the seeking of relief from the predicament. Curious world.

  • Because it's the worst thing most people come in contact with. Our lives are soft.

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  • Because as far as it relates to a relationship, you did.
    It is the most disgusting thing you can do in a relationship. If you cheat you are just a Disgusting pig of a person.

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  • Because you betrayed their trust.. trust is a precious commodity and should not be abused

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  • Because it's near as bad, Think along the lines that hate isn't the antithesis of love, indifference is. U would rather be hated than ignored, sometimes any attention is better than none including abuse, if u cheated you've essentially acted as if ur relationship with your significant other has no meaning and they to have no bearing in ur life, because even a bad partner would have been less likely to cheat, a relationship is only between 2, adding a 3rd ends it. It's like a break up where instead of ending the relationship, u ignore it

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  • You cheated.. It's like obvious

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  • I know right?

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  • Hahahaha I got a good laugh from this

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  • I'm trying to remember how I feel about that

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  • Because you murdered a vagina.

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  • A guy who lived the next town over actually killed his wife for cheating on him.

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