What does this sound like? I'm tired of this issue after 3 years of relationship?

My boyfriend and I have a trust issue. There has been no unfaithfulness though. I'd say it has been a paranoia from both of us.

In his case, it was because I talked to guys who liked me and my bf was very "how can you not see that they are flirting with you?". So I stopped talking to these guys to avoid conflicts and gain my bf's trust, but he could not trust me easily.

In my case, I didn't trust him because of a thing with his ex. She called him a lot, and he talked to her and they sometimes saw each other (only friendly), but it caused me an internal conflict, like "He still wants to see her, why?" We talked about this issue many times until they apparently stopped talking, or so he told me. Either way, that episode was a big blow in the relationship, but I overcame it... apparently.

This morning I was in a very bad mood, sex had gone bad and I was feeling weird overall. He was trying to be gentle and affectionate, but I was feeling odd. Then when he went to shower I did something I apologized for. I had never ever gone through his phone messages before, this was the first time. I really don't know why I did it, but I did.

He had been talking to her via whatsapp, though according to him they had stopped communicating since Dec of 2012, but last message was dated 21st Mar, 2014. The messages weren't flirty at all, and they weren't daily, perhaps 3 times a month. What surprised me is that she was not the one looking for him, it was him initiating most of these chats only to say hi or something.

The last chat went like

He: "hey, how are you?"
Exfg: "Don't contact me again, please. I moved on.
He: "How much did you move on?"
Exgf: Take care, bye.

I talked to him about it, he said he was just trying to be friends and he didn't tell me about it because he knew I'd panic. I told him why then, would she say that. He said she probably saw no point in a friendship anymore.

I believe we love each other, but can't see why this happens.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • What happened to your bf's passed relationship? Did she dump him?

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    • No. He dumped her. He says he could only see her as a friend because their personalities weren't really compatible and he felt he wasn't himself with her. It took her a great deal fo time to get over him though (5 years kinda). They tried a friendship after breaking up because she's supposedly a good person and their families got along pretty well. However, a friendship was not possible right after breaking up. They didn't talk to each other for a while and started talking again. Pretty mildly, nothing too intense. After 3 years of their break up he met me and started going out. Never told me about this exgf until it became an issue because she was relying on him emotionally due some family problem. I got mad, he told her to stop contacting him, and then I find out that he has been the one initiating more than her.

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    • Oh, I have brought it up many times. But he doesn't seem the harm in what he does. He said that to him this is not a big deal, talking to her (he obviously know that had a big big impact on me), because he IS with me and I AM with him, so there's nothing more to it. But... that last chat is very.. I don't know. Makes me sick.

    • If he is allowed to flirt with other girls, you are allowed to flirt with other guys. Simple as that...

      Fair n square.

      And yea, I understand it is tough. Relationships are tough :P

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