I can't stop thinking that I will always be cheated on?

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I am surrounded by infidelity. Most marriages in my family have either ended or went through a really rough patch due to cheating. My friends have always been cheated on/cheated on their partner. I've been cheated on many times.

When I meet guys, I tend to keep to myself because I am afraid of getting hurt. The more persistent guys usually convince me that they care about me, and that they could never cheat. I've been in two serious, long term relationships, where we planned on having futures together. They made my fear of cheating go away. However, I found out that they both were sleeping with other women.

I've never cheated, but I have seen love fall apart because of it so many times. I keep telling myself, "if someone loves me, they wouldn't do that." But I really think they did love me, but still made those mistakes anyway. How could people be with me for years and still hurt me like that? How could my father do that to my mother?

Now, in my work place, all these married men have been trying to sleep with me. I know of several affairs happening within the office- even some people sleeping with another coworker's wife. I am literally surrounded.

I feel like I never want to date again, because I am so scared of getting hurt. I fear my heart can't handle more broken trust. Am I alone in this? Is there ever a way to trust someone again?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I could be wrong, but I suspect (based on experience with some girls who felt like this) that you bring it on yourselves to some degree.

    The girls I knew were so terrified of getting cheated on, that they became paranoid obsessives... always accusing their boyfriends, demanding they get rid of every female friend, wanting to know where they were every minute of the day. And the tighter they gripped, the more the guy squirmed to get away.

    There comes a point where if the guy is living the sort of life you normally only get by being a cheater, then you might as well be a cheater.

    In other words, if you're doing the time, you might as well do the crime.

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    • Definitely something I've thought about. I noticed my friends were like this, and they would then get cheated on. I never considered myself paranoid or obsessed, (well, in my teen years I probably was lol) because ultimately as an adult, I ended up really trusting the guys so I felt no need. Somehow I got betrayed anyway. Perhaps it was just bad luck, and I am making generalizations because of it. Thanks for the insight!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Mind is powerful.. if you always think of being cheated, you will be more attracted to cheaters... try to change your mindset by the way you think (think of positive and happy things) then act on it positively and you will notice that your life is changing positively...

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What Guys Said 3

  • You sometimes just have to take a leap of faith. However, maybe analyze if there are personality types you are attracted to who exhibit these behaviors, and are prone to cheating.

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  • My grand mother cheated. My other granddad cheated, my mom cheated, my first long term GF cheated. Enough cheaters in my past thus.
    I never suspected my wife of cheating.

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  • Nothing is for certain in life, especially relationships, all you can do is trust the choices you make and believe that the next time you will have made a better choice in man, x

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