I like to take things slow and get to know a girl before I make a move for something more. How fast does a guy need to make a move?

Like I said, I prefer to take my time and get to know each other first. Problem is: this has only led me into the friendzone. Obviously, that's not where I want to go. It seems like girls these days want everything to happen right away or not at all. What timeframe does a guy need to act in before it's too late and he gets put in the friendzone?

Ok, to be fair, I do flirt with the girls I have an interest for. The most recent girl I was pursuing said she knew I liked her when I finally asked. The problem was: I wasn't sure if I did really like her or not until we'd known each other 4 months.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, here's my advice to you and it's honest advice. Make the move right away, don't dilly dally when you're talking with her and if you feel chemistry between you two why hide it?

    Now... if you just met a girl and you're having a casual conversation and you're interested in her, make a move the next day or a couple days later, like if you meet the girl in class... but don't wait forever because there's no reason to unless you want to miss your chances. But if you meet a girl randomly at a coffee shop and you guys are exchanging conversation and smiling and flirting just hit her up then and there!

    Honestly, you only lose the chances you don't take and if guys are just waiting around and not making any moves it honestly makes them weaker because they start thinking of all these scenarios that may never happen and they just cower away and the "stronger" guy whisks her away and that's why the nice guys I guess miss their chances.

    So my advice to you is if you wanna make a move, plan it within a few days or the day of if you are feeling chemistry. There's no reason to wait.

    If you get rejected there's probably more reasons behind it than one for instance she's not interested, she has a boyfriend, or she's got financial problems and going through school (I don't know that's just one example).

    • Yeah, I've also determined it's best not to wait. I just don't like it because I can't tell if that person is really worthwhile or not.

    • Looking for some clarification from you or other gals that feel this way. Suppose a guy gets to know you, decides that he wants to date you and then becomes flirtatious. Would you reject him because he didn't make any moves right away?


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What Girls Said 7

  • Flirt with girls you like...you don't have to move straight into a relationship to flirt. My 'guy' and I started out as friends and quickly became friends with benefits (as an exception) Now, we've stayed friends through all of it, and gotten really close, assuming each other as really close friends...and through it, we got to know each other on levels most friends NOR boyfriends tend to know...enough that in our case we decided that we turned out to be EXACTLY what we wanted. We became surprised to find out that our values match up strongly. And now, we're much more serious and going into full on relationship territory. (Yes, I know, friends with benefits isn't for everyone, it isn't even typically for me, but I found it to be a rest...I had intimacy, a friend, and mutual understandings so there was no serious stress while we grew together.) Now, we know each other well enough that in this transition, which with the way we are can be rough, has been pretty smooth. We're pretty straightforward and we know how to handle each other because we learned how to before we needed to. We're probably not your average situation either though.

    If you want to keep your motives clear, flirt. Don't 'play the friend' and act confused when you BECOME the friend. Make it clear that you're into her. Flirting usually begets flirting and causes a girl to treat and view a guy romantically rather than simply friends. Don't push it if it's not mutual though...just flirt and see who flirts back...that's your 'pool'.

  • I'm guilty of friend zoning a guy because he was moving too slow.. oops. And the thing is, I didn't do it on purpose. I just suddenly realized that I wasn't interested in him anymore. And you know why? Because he didn't really flirt. I knew he was interested, but he never physically showed it so of course him behaving as a friend made me start thinking of him as a friend.

    It's awesome that you want to get to know her first before doing anything crazy, but at the same time, if you want her to want you, once you decide you know her enough and like her, you DO need to give her some sort of indication that you're attracted to her.
    Otherwise she'll start thinking of you as a friend as that's basically what you've been acting like.

    As for timeframe before it's too late? I'd say it depends on the girl. But for me I'd say maybe 2 months. BUT that's 2 months with a tiny bit of subtle flirting in there. And even at that, I would have probably driven myself mad by the end of the two months trying to figure out whether he likes me or not.
    ...Speaking of which. Any guys or girls care to help me out with my guy trouble? :)

    • Well, I had been flirting. I think this one never liked me anyway -- which is part of the reason it took me so long to ask. Another is that she only really opened up to me after we'd known each other for 4 months. That's when I decided I liked her and it wasn't something that was just going to pass.

    • Show All
    • That's not necessarily true. It depends on the level of friendship I guess. Like say a guy that I've been friends with since elementary school, I don't think I could ever see him in any way other than as a friend. But a guy that I met more recently (any time since becoming "dating age" I guess) there's possibility for change. Especially if I liked him in the beginning it could change. I hope that makes sense. I don't think any guy is necessarily ALWAYS stuck being a friend, it's just that your chances of being more than a friend dwindle with time generally.

    • I think I understand

  • Coming from a woman there is nothing more frustrating than a guy who won't ask you out or make his Romantic intentions clear. If you are attracted to the girl ask her out on a date, you can always put the brakes on down the track if you change your mind. Just do it, this is why you get friend zoned because the longer you make us wait, it's a turn off and most girls will find someone else.

    • I get you. If it's a girl I know I like, I'd ask her out, but I don't just like girls off the bat. I need to know if they're real or not before I decide. I've been lied to by women throughout my life and so I need to see if they can back up their words before I decide about my interest.

    • I understand, but there's nothing wrong with going on a few dates, there's no commitment in that, then you will be able to get to know them, but still let them know you think they are attractive. It's not a big deal just to get to know someone in a low key way with light flirting just so she doesn't think of you as her brother

  • It's good that you want to get to know her better before taking things further. But I have to say, you really do have to flirt with her almost immediately to let her know that you will probably want something more. That will make her more open to the idea of viewing you as someone who's not just a friend. So I think it should be perfectly fine to flirt with her a little before asking her out.
    And this is why guys (and girls) get put in the friendzone. They're too vague and don't spark any further interest by not being bold enough.

  • There's "making a move" and then there's "paving the road". You have to drop some lines every now and then and be a wee bit flirtatious (but subtly, so that she's not sure if it was actually flirty or not) to keep her thinking about you as potential dating material. You don't have to make A Move until you're to a point where you are comfortable.


    • Only problem with that is that if she doesn't know if you're flirting or not she'll be confused as to whether or not you like her

    • Yeah it'd definitely be better for things to be clear, but if he's not ready/willing to make a move yet and progress things forward, then her knowing he likes her would only cause frustration for one or both of them.

  • I personally like the guy to take it slow. I dont like it when they try to rush things because the relationship might fall apart faster than if it wasn't rushed.

  • I wouldn't mind taking things slow, mostly because i have no experience dating. i've only dated one person and really didn't do anything/didn't know what to do.(still don't) i'm a bit scared to get into another relationship because i don't want to get hurt again.

    • Me too. This is why I go slowly. I want to see if that person is real or is a liar. I don't want to just go leaping into the unknown and risk being hurt because I miscalculated.

    • yep i've already done that once and it was painful for me and i don't want to do it that way again. :(

What Guys Said 1

  • You can still take things slow, but you HAVE to let her know you're sexually interested in her, almost from the get-go.

    She has to see you as a potential date-partner, not a potential friend.

    That means you flirt with her, you compliment her sexually, you give every indication that you'd like to fuck her. No one says you have to act on it right away, but make sure she knows you have a dick and you use it on women.

    Then you won't be in the friend zone.

    • This. Except not as blatantly obvious as it makes it sound. You don't say to her "Hey, I'd like to fuck you with this here dick I have." You say things like "Wow, you look sexy today." And then move on in the conversation. It's like dropping breadcrumbs every now and then just as a reminder that you're male, you have a penis, and you see her as having potential. Don't push it further than that until you're ready to actually go further than that, though.