When and how to ask him about exclusivity/definition of our relationship?

It's been a month and a half that I started dating with him. We met online dating site - for a geographically, it's pretty common thing at where I live. He works like 70 hrs a week and is out of the city 4 days a week (some of you might have an idea where he works.) So we meet only on Friday and/or saturday. It's all fine with me. I'm working on both school and career=busy. We usually text during the weekdays, only a few a day though since his work is really intense. Although he always initiates - like good morning (esp when he's out of the states), how's the day going, just back to the hotel, etc.

Since the first night together at his place he offered me to stay, and has been making me breakfast the morning after, which is nice. I hope we can spend the whole day together since we don't meet often but he usually goes for outdoor sport that I can't do with after the breakfast. So I go back to my place then. And... we don't really have dates out (ever since we started sleeping together). Maybe dinners. He's nice, affectionate in the bed (not much out of it. It took some time to tame-?- him to give me a hi-kiss and goodbye-kiss.) and the kitchen.

I'm pretty sure that he's not dating any other women (I asked it like 2 weeks ago. over text though) but I need more of him, more of the time with him. It's been creating some emotional attachment. I want to make this relationship girlfriend and boyfriend thing, so I don't have to worry or get occupied with 'where this is going.' I like the time with him but I don't think I can keep doing this if there isn't an improvement.

Sorry for the long introduction; should I go for asking what we are? Is it too early? We talked a lot and it's been 1.5 months but we didn't meet that often. Or should I tell him it's getting difficult for me?(this will likely be the end then I think)

He's back to the city this Thursday. I'll update after seeing how he behaves and how things go this time... He's texting me "it got even busier here today. How are you doing" today too btw. :-/


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are only two ways that asking "what are we?" Ends. You're heartbroken or happy. No guy ever wants to hear this question. If you're dating and he really wants to be exclusive he would ask.

    You said he's not very affectionate outside of the bedroom. You said it took time to "tame" him (which it made me cringe to read). You also said you don't go on dates since you started having sex. But honestly, after sex starts, I don't want to go on dates either, especially if we don't see each other often.

    By the way, if he really is seeing someone else there's no chance he tells you. So that answer really doesn't mean much.

    It sounds like he's on the fence. With how much he works I don't know that he wants more, especially if you're in school and have your own thing going on.

    Make up you're mind if the possibility of having him leave is worse than being uncertain about your status or not. If him leaving would be worse, don't ask. If you could take it, ask

    • Damn you sound right. By mistake I put this as an update of the question, I wanted to say this...
      He's back to the city this Thursday. I'll update after seeing how he behaves and how things go this time... He's texting me "it got even busier here today. How are you doing" today too btw. :-/

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'd start by telling him you'd like to spend more time with him and gauge his response...

    If he seems off balance then your answer is that he feels it's to early for him to become further involved.

    If he says he's been thinking the same thing, then you're free to interpret that as a green light and can intensify the relationship.

    Mind you I think there needs to be some realistic expectations...

    Someone who works 70hours a week is only going to have so much time left over and some of that is always going to be dedicated free time which also means free from you.


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