Am I focusing on dating too much?

So, as you might be able to see in my numerous other questions, I'm really suffering romantic life-wise. Although I do get spells of low self-esteem, I believe I am better than average looking, I consider myself a good person with extreme moral fortitude and when social anxiety doesn't tie my hands, I can make people laugh their asses off.

Unfortunately though, the last two years after a breakup from a serious relationship haven't been so kind. I know what you might be thinking, but I'm well over my ex, we have a nice relationship and I don't even see her a lot, so I'm not stuck in the past. It might be worth noting that I'm suffering from GAD and currently undergoing treatment focused on my social interactions. Over the last six months of therapy, I've taken strides, like approaching girls in cold blood twice in a month (the first approach resulted in a date, actually). The thing is, I still don't have a 'steady' dating life, like meeting girls often thus increasing my chances of getting a girlfriend.

To get back on why I chose this title for my question, I get the usual advice: 'open up', 'be more relaxed' and specifically, many friends tell me that I'm thinking too much about it and that I should let go and it'll come on it's own. Personally, I don't believe this, because I saw first-hand that success -the girl I dated- came from me shoving my comfort limits a few miles away. But a female friend said that girls can smell desperation (although I don't consider myself desperate) and nervousness and maybe I'm driving them away just by my aura.

What is your opinion on this?


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What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds like you could be suffering from a couple of things,

    Low self esteem is a huge deal and ultimately will affect your confidence. Lack of confidence is the number one reason people get rejected, whether it be romantically, socially or professionally.

    You may be over your ex, but might have lost much more than you know. There's a reason we call attraction, attraction. When it comes to all things, lust, love and romance, what will get you that phone number starts with you. Are you being attractive?

    Attractiveness isn't just about looks. What makes you interesting? Why should someone get to know you let alone, spend precious time dating you? This isn't about proving yourself, but putting your best foot forward. You should be constantly selling yourself even before you open your mouth. What is your body language saying?

    Here's the kumbaya stuff you may not want to hear. Before you look for someone else to love, try putting in some self love. You need to do some some soul searching and find all of those things that make you a great catch and wear it on your sleeves like a badge of honor. If you don't have badges of honor, consider how you can get some.

    The truth is, anybody can get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Keeping one, is a whole other monster.


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