Houdini after date 3- why do guys disappear? Should i contact him?

I met a guy online. We are both in our early 40s. I was married and in serious relationships all the time. He was never married.
We went out on 3 dates. The communication between the dates was hard...he isn't good in keeping in touch. Also, to make plans with him was tough..he is renovating and he is really having a hard time with it...doesn't have a shower at his place now.
I could text him in the morning and he would phone that night or following day. Anyways, he isn't great in that area.
Date 3 came and I went to his place. We sat on the couch watched a movie, held hands a bit and there was some very light touching..he didn't touch my intimate area. I was at him for about 3 hours-it was very late already. He was also tired-came back from his cousin's funeral. She was his age. I admit that I was reserved and didn't really go with the flow..didn't eat or drink anything that he offered besides Zero. My friend said she would have been easier..initiated more.
The following day I text him and after a few hours he got back to me. He wanted to meet but had to go to his family. Said we can meet maybe Saturday and we live very close to each other so it's not a problem. Saturday came and i called him in the morning to see if he wanted to meet..he didn't answer. A few hours later i sent him a message to ask if he was okay. He didn't answer. At around 23:00 he sent me a message 'Sorry, i disappeared a bit today'. I asked if everything was okay -he said yes..the usual. I wrote that i thought we would meet today. He didn't respond.
Sunday night i wrote 'Hi, what are your plans for today?' with a smiley. Until now I haven't heard from him.
Finally, after 3 years of being single and scared to date coz of my experience with my ex i agreed to go on a date and it was great.
I am really really upset that he disappeared and don't know why. There could be many reasons..what do guys think about this?



Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like there's no chemistry between you, and he's more ready to accept that than you are.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like he's either not into you or he's just really awkward.

  • Stop overanalyzing. Try giving him a call

    • I feel awkward calling him..I do think there was chemistry..i was just very shy and embarrassed. Takes me time to open up. How would you guys feel if a girl came over to you and you offered her beer or snacks and all she wanted was a zero? Also, he took my hand to put over his you know what-i went along with it but still i was keeping up my guard..didn't relax the entire night. But the following day he did phone me back and did want to meet but couldn't. Had to go to his family. I can't stop thinking about it for some reason..

    • Update: he called last night at around 23:20. I have spoken to him before at this hour also...we have actually spoken at all hours (mostly normal hours). Anyways, I was sleeping so i didn't hear. At around 23:40 i suddenly woke up and checked my phone for some reason and saw that I had a missed call from him and a whatsapp message that he tried to call and we will speak tomorrow. I wasn't going to reply but he must have checked and saw that i was online and he sent me a message if I am still awake. I said that something woke me up now. He said he just came back. So, I replied you came back to earth? The conversation was short and easy going. He said we will speak today‚Ķnot holding my breath. What do you make of it?

    • Again, stop overanalyzing. It seems like you guys are getting along, just go with the flow. Overthinking it is only going to create problems.

What Girls Said 2

  • I agree with all of the other answers. It sounds to me that he has too much to deal with right now. If you have to work that hard just to get a date, I think it may be time to move on. Don't let whatever it is your ex did hold you back from finding happiness. You deserve to find someone that you can be happy with.

  • 3 dates is a reasonable amount to assess what you think of someone. It never would have gotten to date 3 if he hadn't been interested, but maybe he just decided you aren't for each other? Also sounds like he has a lot going on in his life and maybe he doesn't really have time to commit to seriously dating someone. I would wait and let him get a hold of you if he wants to.

    • The second date was only about 40 minutes..it was late and everything was closed and i didn't want to go to him..Yep, he has a lot going on. Before the renovations he was in touch more often..since it started he told me his head is in that.
      I sent him a message a few weeks ago coz i didn't know what he was thinking. I said that i am interested in getting to know him and what does he think. The following day he phoned. Said when i get back from overseas we will meet and we did on Thursday. It sucks :(

    • Just take it as it comes. I understand why you're feeling unsettled and unsure, but that's ok. Enjoy the time you do have and just don't invest yourself too much emotionally before he does. Let him set the pace. If it's too slow for you, start dating other men.