Give me some advice on what my next step should be in this relationship?

Some history. I got divorced 4 years ago, luckily we had no children. He cheated and I tried to fix us for 2 years while he kept cheating. I took 2 and half years for myself. I earned a second degree and figured out how to survive on my income alone.

I was ready to try dating and met a great guy a year ago. Obviously we are taking things very slow because needless to say I have trust issues. Slow as in we see each other about once a week, haven't said 'I love you', haven't met each others families, etc.

Tonight a friend called me to ask if we broke up because she saw his dating profile. I didn't think anything of it until it said he had been on there last month. He says he got an email saying he had a message and he was curious. Of course he says it was nothing. It makes anyone feel good to know someone else finds them attractive. He said he didn't respond and that was the end of it.

I have to admit, with all of my trust issues, I have searched high and low for any indiscretion to no avail. I've gone through his computer and phone without his knowledge, and even checked his dating profile to see if he went on. For months after we became official he never got on there. I trusted him and stopped looking. I didn't care if he still had it up because I knew he didn't go on and we aren't married or anything. I still have mine but it's hidden.

Now I wish I had asked him to hide his profile. Anyway, what should I do now. I told him I needed some time to think. I swore I would never go through this pain again. My head says break up and my heart says try to fix the trust.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Ok, I am sorry, but if I were him I would be moving on. This is teenager stuff. You two are grown adults, that are aging. Neither of you are getting any younger. He has waited long enough. You need to get over your trust issues and enjoy this guy while you still can.

    • So it's my fault he needed to look at other options? Shouldn't he have, oh I don't know, broken up with me first? I have a therapist and haven't snooped through his stuff in months. I am trying to get over having my heart broken. By taking things slow and making sure my significant other is trust worthy. If he didn't like it he could've gotten out by not doing this to me. Why are you blaming me?

    • Maybe to you it felt like a relationship, but to him maybe not. I can't speak for him. My opinion is based on the info you gave me. If I was with someone who couldn't trust me and wanted to take it slooooooow, plus snooped into my dating profile and my phone would be someone I couldn't be bothered with. Sorry. Either you want to date, or not. None of this in between, wait and see how I feel, stuff. That guy has a life too and maybe wants to live it!

  • he said he did not respond to anything on his dating profile and you seen nothing that he responded to I say follow your heart not your head he might have had it up and when he seen you he stop looking on that fix the trust issues you have you have a second chance at love call him and have him over for a home cooked meal


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