How to help him decide what he wants?

So I've had a thing with a guy friend of mine... It's only been making out every now and then so far and we've never been on a date as such. We're in the same friendship group and see each other least once or twice a week (in group situations)

I know this makes things weird, and we've talked about how we don't want it to be weird or to ruin the friendship. But the other night we had a conversation and he told me several confusing things...

He told me I was his closest girl friend and that he was confused himself, as he didn't know whether he liked me or not. I know this means that he probably doesn't think that what we have is worth ruining our friendship over, but I really like him.

From the way he talks/acts around me it's really quite clear that he likes me and I just don't know what to do to make him realise that we're acting like a couple already and that by going further and actually going out it could be something really special.

I've let him know there's no pressure and that I'm not looking for a relationship straight away or anything and that it could be completely casual, but I'm afraid at the time we were really drunk and I kept kissing him and it was all very confusing so I may have come off as desperate.

Regardless, he acted normally when our group met up the other day so it doesn't seem to have changed his mind, if anything he was just as if not more flirty/comfortable around me.

I guess what I'm asking for here is an idea of where to go - he said that he knew we were probably going to end up having another 'talk' soon, so if it does come up again, what should I say?

I am aware that I like him more than he likes me and I know I'll probably end up getting hurt. But in the interest of opening his eyes to the possibility of us, what would be your advice?

Should I keep up the flirty/close/interested attitude around him or do you think by distancing myself he might make more of an effort?

Thanks, much appreciated.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Stop thinking so much and just act honestly about what you want from him.
    His confusion is about being slapped down when he elevates the relationship, so fears this consequence with you - as you said.
    SO after he spills his guts, simply suggest that YOU'D like to try to elevate the relationship a bit and have NO fear what you have in each other now will be threatened.

    • Thank you for replying :)

      The thing is - we're already quite open with each other as he knows how much I like him and he's told me he's thought about us being together, that he likes me but just that he didn't know whether he likes me enough for more than what we have. He seems hesitant to say an outright no, even though I straight up said 'just tell me, it's too confusing not knowing what you want'

      Should I back off a bit and let him have some space to think? Or should I ask him again outright the next time the conversation comes up?

      I'm just tired of having no clarity, it's too hard for me to keep thinking about it and worrying.

    • Show All
    • I tried to arrange a meet-up at the local bar yesterday afternoon but he was busy :( I'm getting tired of putting all the effort in and feeling stupid for doing so. Ugh

    • If you can find out when his OFF time is
      then you can simply pass him a note
      that tells him where you'll be and what time
      "hope to see you there"
      Then see what happens.
      Being someplace comfortable and happy is not really waiting nor putting out effort.

What Girls Said 1

  • Be open minded about it. Tell him exactly what you've written: the two of you are already acting like a couple, now all you'll be doing is putting a label. When I wanted to date my best guy friend, he was also unsure because of the risks of ruining the friendship. I told him that we could just try out for a few weeks, and if it really didn't work, we could just go back to friends and forget about it all. We tried out and at first it was a little awkward because we still saw each other as friends rather than a couple, but the more we spent time together, the more we got used to it. It worked out so well! So just propose that idea to him, it'll cause no harm and if it doesn't work, at least you can say you've tried!

    • That's exactly what I want to say it's just that we always choose the worst times to talk and I can never get it out sounding just right haha. I tried to meet up with him yesterday but he was busy and I feel weird always being the one to try to organise things, as though I'm annoying him by asking to talk/meet even though I haven't even done it that much :( I'm not very good at understanding/dealing with boys ahhaha

    • I'm not either! They're really weird and confusing, haha. Just keep trying, he ought to come around someday :)

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