Why do some people hide from being gay? They get married and pretend to be straight?

Why do some people hide from being gay? They get married and pretend to be straight?
Obviously married couples will have sex or couples in general usually do. If the guy or girl is pretending to be straight how does one have sex with someone they aren't sexual attracted to


Most Helpful Guy

  • As a man who used to have sex with men, who struggles with same sex attraction, I can give you my opinion.

    Wanting to have sex with someone of the opposite sex, or being attracted to them, is biological for 95% of the people on earth.

    I can tell you from the soul wrenching abuse I suffered, my mind and spirituality is all twisted. Sex with men is all I have ever known. I know no other intimacy.

    Yet, I find myself feeling ashamed, after the act, being top or bottom. I find myself empty. It's just how I feel, and I cannot keep living this way.

    It is a dangerous lifestyle, as anal sex tends to spread diseases very easily, and in the gay scene, the desire to be more risky to try and fill the empty void in our lives grows, and grows, until we are letting guys we don't know do us bareback.

    The excitement is so overwhelming, and it is rooted so deep inside of our souls, that trying to run away is often impossible. I have been struggling with it for almost thirty years.

    Why do we hide? Because those of us with an intelligent brain know that it'll never be accepted, and even if it was, it would not take our guilt away.

    Why do we get married? Because after many empty emotional experiences with other men, we begin to realize that only a woman can satisfy us. For all the great sex, nothing is like being inside of a woman, hearing her, smelling her, etc.

    We are not "Pretending" to be straight, we are running from an overwhelmingly enticing but very empty lifestyle, and hoping things will work out. Unfortunately, it often ends in tragedy for our spouses, and us, as the draw to the same sex often just lurks until it find the right moment to tempt us again.

    When I am tempted, I often sweat, sometimes even shake, in resisting the desires, and lie awake in bed all night, sometimes. It is an awful existence. I wish I was never exposed to it.

    • I'm sorry if I offended you. I think I worded it wrong. I didn't mean why more like how. And never feel ashamed. Seriously...
      You're perfect the way you are. You're who you are. I hope one day gay marriage is allowed everywhere.

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    • Subejager, I think the article is more true than many gay identified people would like to admit? I think sexuality is precious, and that our bodies and psyches were designed for opposite sex attraction. I speak nothing of spirituality, which I do acknowledge. There are many conflicting studies and reports and surveys. I can only tell you what deeply intensive internal introspection, done in tormenting temptations, what I have learned about myself.

    • Thank you for MH.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • If someone not only dates/sleeps with people of the opposite sex, but then marries a member of the opposite sex, they are either straight, or insane. One or the other.

    Seriously. Being single isn't considered horrible in our society anymore. If someone's gay, why the hell would they get married to "pretend" to be straight? That would be like hating the USA but joining the Marine Corp for 20 years.

    • I want to know how they can have sex with them
      People hide because of the thoughts of others.

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    • You're so dumb it's crazy
      Some womanziers are secretly gay. They don't want to believe it

    • And you evidently have psychic powers, that you know this better than they themselves do?

  • You mean like this guy:


    I don't know why.

    • How is that gay
      You sound dumb

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    • I don't even know who that is

    • Chris Bosh from the Miami Heat.

  • they dont realize they are until theyve experienced it. usually it takes experiencing the same sex, to realize, you're gay

  • So far as I'm concerned everyone is straight, even the ones that think/know they are not. Why would a man and woman marry each other when they don't love each other? Just makes no sense to me and I don't accept it.

    • A lot of people get married if they don't love each other
      Sometimes because of kids
      Marriage is a business deal to some.

    • Not in my mind, I can't even comprehend that thinking, but then again, I'm normal.

What Girls Said 2

  • Same reason straight people get married,... Fit in easier Tax break someone to cook you dinner do your laundry Looks Better on a job application and some people marry for live.

    The partnership is easy to understand but You need to ask an openly gay person in a straight marriage how they manage to have sex bc no one on unless in that situation will have insight into that

  • Fear of being outcast. Desire for a traditional family. Religious or family upbringing.

    For females, they may not even realize what really turns them on if they don't have a high sex drive? Our arousal patterns aren't as clear cut as men's are.

    • Yeah that's true

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    • Yeah makes sense I just prefer to date straight girls not bi ones lol ;)

    • No worries. Statistically, you're in the clear. :P