How to win a woman's heart when she is seeing another guy?

I am in college and my female roommate is easily one of the most gorgeous girls I have seen in person, I am so drawn to her it is ridiculous, but I cannot help my feelings.

I am 21 and she is 24, and here's the kicker, we are housemates...

The other day I saw her with another man in the house, and they even went on a romantic walk together. Seeing her with another guy made me feel both angry and depressed at the same time, to the point where I could not even focus on my school work. I cannot fathom the image of this douchebag penetrating her, it makes me feel physically sick.

Since I moved in with her I have been very kind, have carried a positive demeanor and have done all kinds of housework: I vacuum, take out the garbage, sweep the floors, empty the dishwasher, I even pulled dandelions out of her yard. I do this out of the goodness of my own heart and my desire to serve others.

I baked cookies for her and her friend (I have 2 female roommates) and made point to offer them the cookies when I saw them.

I am just as physically attractive as she is if not more so, and I make an effort to dress as nicely as I can every day.

The thing is, she seems reluctant to communicate with me very much, perhaps because I am her roommate, which I can understand, I've known her for 1 month and I am living with her for 2 more months.

I know this is a bit much, but I want her to stop seeing this backwards-cap and flip-flop wearing idiot and want her to develop strong feelings of attraction towards me.

I am better dressed than him, more handsome in the face than him, smile more than him, will have a better career than him. I honestly think I am untouchable compared to him, the only advantage over me being his increased physical size, older age and masculinity. I will not let this fool steal this woman's heart, I cannot accept it.

I think I have done my very best to give off the best impression possible to her so far, but need advice on what to do next.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First you should not compare yourself to this guy. Obviously she sees something in him that she does not see in you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe you are not as "handsome in the face" as you think. Also do not call him an idiot just because you have feelings for her. You do not even know this guy so do not judge him.
    Second, she is your roommate. If you cannot handle female roommates then you should not have them. She has a right to date whoever she wants and so what if you get angry. You should not be. You did not make any attempts to make a move on her and now that she has someone you finally want to? How about you grow up first before asking anything else. Or better yet... move on.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Assert yourself a little bit more. You are doing all of this, but aren't on her radar. She doesn't appreciate your efforts because she isn't seeing you in that way. She may be assuming that you are doing those things because you enjoy them. Ask her to hang out with you or even to go on a date with you.

    • Just keep in mind that she may not like you. You may not be her type. In that case, best thing would be to move out and away from her. Don't assume you are better than someone else because that is a huge turnoff. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What's beautiful to one may not be beautiful to another.

  • Well if you're soooo much better than this guy, don't you think she'd be dating you? It seems like you didn't even decide to make a move until you saw this new "challenger" aka her boyfriend. You're imaginary competition and analysis of this guy seems rather, pathetic.. There may be something to him thar you don't have or a connection between them. She seems happy so back off until he does something wrong.

  • Back off. She doesn't want to be with you and trying to "win her" is more likely to annoy her and her boyfriend than to help you get with her. You've made her uncomfortable to the point of avoidance. You sound like you're infatuated and need to move on. It's not your job to determine what's best for her and she owes you nothing.

    • Thanks for the motivation! I myself believe that if you want something enough in life you do the very best you can to make your dream a reality. Sure, I can "back off" for a while, I might even not talk to her for a month, but that doesn't mean I'm finished with this goal, only god and death can stop me from getting what I want in this life and the hatred from others only encourages me to push harder.

What Guys Said 4

  • First of all, dating roommates is a bad idea. Things become too relationship-y and it ruins the roommate dynamic. Second, she's 3 years older than you are so your chances are basically zero. Thirdly, if she was attracted to you, since you have the impression that you're vastly superior than this guy, wouldn't she be dating YOU?

    You may eventually get a chance but it won't be before 2-3 more guys run their course and after much heartache and courtship on your part.

  • Woah, you're sounding a tad like Elliot Rodgers here... ME I ME II I I I ME, I'M SO AWESOME!!! SO SUPERIOR!


    She has the right to be with who she wants, you may think you're better looking, better this, that, whatever, the fact is beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    • Perhaps the Elliot Rodgers comment was a bit harsh, I apologize.

      If you feel he's bigger, and more masculine than you, hit the gym, and get a masculine haircut.

    • Show All
    • Unless its a penis of course

    • Yeah to some women, probably most. Were not talking about a penis tho.

  • maybe you start avoiding her...change a bit of your attitude...if i were you i should have move on...remember she is not the only pretty/beautiful in the world...don't pursue her because there is a high chance you will be rejected...i felt the same way before like being angry to the person she likes but i tell you this anger won't do anything good for you...i know it hurts but that is life you shouldn't invest feelings for the person you don't well and simply you are not his type. you are young as what people always say to me and i will say the same thing for you that you will meet more people and there is a chance that you will find the right one. "A real man is willing to accept pain and rejection just to see the one he love is happy with someone else. A true soldier know when to surrender. Love is like a battlefield, so winning is not certain". good luck

  • He's bigger, older, and more masculine than you? Good luck.

    • Your acting like that's the be all end all.

      Yeah he is like 6'8 and I'm 5'11, so obviously he is larger. But I have the advantage on all other factors.

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