What the hell is his deal?

I had a crush on this guy and some friends of mine helped me get in touch with him. They gave him my number and tested the water to see if he might want to talk with me. He said he was interested and he'd call. I had his number but waited for him to make the first move. When he didn't call for 3 weeks, I assumed he wasn't interested. I told my friends he never called, he obviously wasn't interested and that I was rather disappointed. He found out, was upset, called me and even sent me flowers.

Thereafter, we spoke on the phone for hours and we really seemed to click. We agreed to go slow and go out. Since he has a business, he is very busy and limited for time, but assured me he'd "love" to go out with me. I put no pressure on him and waited. We still spoke on the phone regularly.

Fast forward a month and a half and still no date. I am still being told he is busy with work etc. and will be going away soon (on vacation!). I am advised he will be away for a month and we'll get together upon his return.

At this juncture, I realize that he obviously isn't interested in me, taking me out or anything else for that matter. This suspicion is confirmed when his sister informs my friend that he doesn't want a relationship. (He has no idea his sister provided this info).

Here is my question to the guys: Why the hell does a guy bend over backwards to show an interest, spend hours on the phone with a girl, say he would love to take you out and then the date never materializes? Why does a guy lead a girl on like this? I mean, supposedly, I am what he was looking for; attractive, educated, self supporting, great job, lives alone, makes excellent money, lives independently, has no debt and is highly intelligent. I am not a psycho, do not call or text constantly (I let him do most of the calling), was myself, had no specific expectations for the anything, just wanted to hang out and see how we meshed. All he told me was how tired he was of meeting women who were "bubble heads," became bored with them after a couple of months because they "ran out of things to talk about."

If a guy has someone who may hold good potential then why this demeanor? I am dumbfounded and angry.

Thank you for any insight.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He obviously has commitment issues and eventhough he probably really wants to date you he knows all these good qualities that you have and he is afraid of getting to deeply involved in a relationship. Not sure how old he is but if he's approaching his 30's he should be getting ready to settle down a bit. Guys bend over backwards to show interest because it is our way of finding out more about you. It isn't to hurt you, it's how we gain our information. We say we would love to take you out because if we've been talking to you for awhile in a way we feel obligated even if we don't want to, we feel by doing that it's being nice, we don't think it'll hurt your feelings when we don't take you out.

    • This is probably the best perspective from a man that I have read. Thank you.

      He is 38 years old and still lives at home. Yes, I absolutely identified that he has commitment issues. That is why I played it "safe" by telling him I was looking for something causal and nothing serious. It didn't matter obviously because he still was leery.

      IMO, honest is the best policy. He knew I had a crush on him and truly liked him a lot. If he did no accolades of meeting me- EVER, he should have said so.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Sweet woman, it's late and I want to answer your quirey. I'm going to put you in my "note this".

    it's apparent he doesn't see a very desireable woman. Any man with his head on straight would love to have you in his life.


What Girls Said 1

  • Its possible that you are the type of woman that he really is interested in, but at this point in his life, he feels he's not ready for a relationship..I think if he wasn't interested at all...he woudlnt make any effort at all...instead he's stringing you along in the hopes that when he decides he's ready, you're there waiting for him.

    Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. My suggestion would be to keep the lines of communication open, but don't put yourself on hold waiting for him to decide... You're not in a relationship with him, and under no obligation to stand at the ready to fit into his schedule. No matter how busy he is...if he wanted you, he'd make time for you.

    Besides, if he's like this and you havnt even been on one date yet..imagine how hard it would be once you are dating...its in the beginning that people make the most amount of effort in a relationship...are you prepared to try and enter a relationship with someone who can't make the time to be with you?

    • He exhibited all of the classic signs that he wasn't into me. Okay, I cannot force him into anything. He should have told me outwardly instead of leading me on and playing with my heart. I no longer respect or believe him. I am done and his loss. Now I have to process his rejection.

      Thank you for the good insight.

    • Im sorry that its turned out to be that way this this guy... On the bright side, its a good thing that you noticed the signs now rather than later and instead of holding on and wishing for more, you are now open to meet a guy who *will* treat you the way you deserve. Very smart of you! :) All the best!