Why do people that have low self esteem like to be treated like crap?

I speak from experience as I did this to an ex boyfriend I had. Even though I knew it was wrong to treat him bad still he was too easy to treat that way. Pretty much he allowed me to do it. I knew he was caring and sweet so I felt I could do what I wanted with him. Now that I'm more mature I saw that treating him that way wasn't right and until this day I regret doing that to him. I didn't understand much of self esteem during that time not even that I had low self esteem during that time. Fast forward my recent ex of 4 years tried to treat me any which way. I started to notice he had low self esteem. I had already been there and done that I already knew the signs of someone treating another one like crap. I dumped him and let him know that I wouldn't allow that. After that I noticed that my ex had low self esteem so he wanted to treat me bad. Now that I know about the way things are I drop people left and right if they don't treat me right. Why when people have low self esteem do they enjoy to be treated like crap?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I a perverse way it gives these justification to be the way they are.


    If shy guy says "I can't get a date or a girlfriend. Because I'm ugly." This is how his brain works.

    So he asks a girl on a date for this Friday. She can't go because of her brother-in laws surprise birthday party. So she declines, giving her reason.
    Instead of the guy thinking she may be busy, and suggesting Saturday or next Friday.
    He will automatically think "she's lying. it's because I'm ugly."

    Now he has an excuse to run and hide from the world. Which a shy guy truly wants to do anyway.
    So the next time he asks. His self esteem is noticeably lower. He gets rejected. Making him uglier in his mind. This pattern will repeat itself.

    Now he's convinced he really is ugly (whether he is or not does not matter).
    He is shy (which can be fixed). And he has low self-esteem (which can also be fixed).

    Fixing shyness and low self-esteem take work. In this case, likely more rejection before he's fixed. He doesn't want to do this work. Staying in the bedroom with video games is easier.

    So he purposely will set himself up for failure with women. All this work, just to keep (in his mind) reaffirming that he's ugly. So therefore his self esteem doesn't come into it. In his mind he "can't" be fixed. No. He doesn't "want" to be fixed.

    So when a person with low self esteem gets treated badly. In a warped way it makes him happy. Confirming he can't be fixed. But he's treated badly because he set himself up to be.

    And he doesn't even realize it by this point. He has already reprogrammed his brain.

    • On the other side of the coin. If somehow shy guy got in a relationship his brain can no longer use the "ugly" excuse. So he will sabotage the relationship. become to clingy or be mean to her. Push her away. The old "you can do better" Causing a break up. So he can go back to his bedroom/video games and figuratively beat himself up.

      People with low self esteem don't know how to survive unless they are making themselves miserable. And being miserable keeps them from living.

      So being treated like crap (whether by them self or others) reaffirmed all the negative thoughts about himself. I gives them the "I knew it" confirmation.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I have low self confidence. Its not that we like to be treated like crap its because that is the only thing we know, so we accept it. We don't think we deserve better. For example, I have low self confidence and I hate my body image and the way I look so whenever I start talking to a girl I automatically assume she is going to think I am ugly.Why? Because that is the only thing I have experienced. I have never experienced a girl thinking I am cute. Again, its not like we like to be treated like crap, we just think we deserve it and we accept it.

    • I think its time we stop demonizing people with low self esteem and helping them out. To me having low-self esteem is major as having depression, and they often overlap.

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    • What many people dont see is that confidence is a variable. Check this website out 2knowmyself. com

    • For the record my ex found a pretty girlfriend. They are married now. I'm really happy for him.

  • They they are used to being hurt and treat like crap cuz theyve been that way all along. U are a HORRIBLE person. U shouldve sympathy for him instead of looken down on him like the others. Shame on u -.-'

    • I was 18 and I was going through my crap myself. I didn't care about anyone and until this day he's the best guy I have ever been with. He wanted marriage and everything he would've been an excellent husband and father.

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    • Lol thats what happen when u fall prey easily to guys and give in so easily. Young relationship never last. It always end up in a brk before ur even outta HS or reach 20yrs old. 24yrs old + is where people are more serious and cautious with their relationship. A young relationship is juz childs play. Its all about sex >.> So always prepare for a brk up at the end. Learn from ur lesson...

    • I thought like you did but maturity has nothing to do with age. When I was 19 I dated a 26 year old and he was the most mature person I have ever met.

  • People that have low self esteem don't like being treated like crap. They just don't think they deserve any better. Most people are just assholes that mistreat others whenever they can get away with it no matter what level of confidence they have.


What Girls Said 2

  • We do not like to be treated like crap. We feel like we deserve to be treated like crap because we don't feel good enough. I have had my fair share of crappy friendships/relationships and each and every time I always felt like I deserved it.

    • 2knowmyself and learn about narcissists and codependents. Become an interdependent and healthy person.

  • We just think that we dont deserve to be treated better.

    • You should be treated better and you deserve it. 2knowmyself. com
      changed my mind and now I'm a changed person.