Insecurity is my biggest problem, how do I face it?

Okay, so I'm asking this because I've stooped to an all time low with my bf. Just recently I made up a fb profile to see if my bf would flirt back with the girl. I went to the fullest extent, between pictures and filling out "her" profile. It was bad and I still can't believe i'm that pathetic to do that. Now my bf doesn't trust me, and he thinks i'm a physcho lol I fucked up so bad. How can I beat my insecurities? He makes me feel really insecure to begin with...My friends think he drove me to do that but I disagree..I shouldn't have been snooping around and I shouldn't have trapped him like that, its wrong. I need to find another way to handle things..I think the reason why I did that was to get reassurance that he still loves me since he doesn't show it..I'm not sure, but I want to stop feeling like this because I know he loves me but whenever we fight he says stuff like "You ugly fat cunt! "You're useless" "This is my house, do you think you matter?" "Your gross, no wonder why I don't wanna fuck you"...I could go on, but he says all those things and much more than turns around and says I'm sorry baby, i was just mad, you know that...
Another reason why I feel insecure is because we never have sex anymore..we have sex like 5 times a month and we have to do it before my time of the month..I take showers, i'm clean down there..I'm great in bed or maybe not, idk.
So what can I do to stop feeling like this? I don't wanna keep worrying about the past and worrying about him talking to girls n shit because I know he loves me, I'm just being insecure and needy..He doesn't go through my things anymore or anything so that was messed up for me to do that...I complain about double standards but I did it too..
The one thing that made me upset about the FB thing was that he said "Thanks for lowering my self esteem..I thought a hot Puerto Rican chick was talking to me and thinking I was cute but it was you" Anyway, If anyone could help, thank you ! That'd be great (:


Most Helpful Girl

  • I won't sugarcoat this - trying to "trick" our boyfriend like that was not only very stupid but also absolutely not okay of you. And you really can't blame him for having lost his trust in you. But you seem to be aware of that already.

    That being said, if he really calls you those terrible things during fights, you need to get away from him as soon as possible. Because as bad as it was what you did, calling you these things is inexcusable.

    Let me summarize what I know about your relationship with him:

    - He rarely ever feels like having sex with you, yet masturbates instead.
    - You trust him so little that you go as far as to create an online undercover persona to "test" him behind his back.
    - He has gone through your private things (you said he doesn't do that "anymore", so I'm assuming he did it before), which is as bad as what you did on FB.
    - He has zero respect for you in general and insults you in the most degrading ways possible.
    - You feel more and more insecure because of him.

    Can you tell me one single good reason why you should stay together with him for one single additional day? And as harsh as it may sound - love is not a good reason in such a situation. People often love each other, but that doesn't mean being together with them is a healthy option.

    I can only give you one simple piece of advice - end the relationship. I see no other solution for you, sorry.

    You should learn to have more respect of yourself, and this is not going to be possible as long as you are with him (again, only judging from what I know from this and your other questions). And as far as I can tell, it'd be best for him as well. This is nothing but a toxic relationship for both of you and you are ruining each other.

    You are young and look stunning. You should enjoy your love and sex life. And he should too. Stop being stuck in frustration and disappointment and start exploring the satisfying, fulfilling, and exhilarating parts of life. :)

    • It says its too soon for me to do the Most Helpful but i will. Thank you so much, you made more sense than anyone I've talked to (family, friends) and you don't even know our situation to the fullest but you managed to hit the nail on the head lol..Thank you so much !

    • I'm glad I could help a little! If you need any further adice/opinion, let me know. :)

    • Very good opinion

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What Guys Said 2

  • Not sure if he's worth it. Let's face it, you're rather attractive and trying to be pleasing to him, but he doesn't seem interested. Yeah, the profile thing was a bit much, and did show some insecurity. For sure though, you don't deserve some of the thing you've said to him.

    As for the self esteem thing, you've got to realize that you are not defined by the words he uses against you. Its a matter of coming to love yourself as you are, but at the same time realizing that you have the potential to be better. I love the concept of loving yourself as you are, but if you do love yourself exactly as you are, and are happy with that, then you get stuck in the cycle of low self esteem. Love yourself, but try to better yourself as well. Don't sell yourself short, but don't be too hard on yourself when you fail.

  • Learn to love yourself single. Then you'll be ready for a healthy relationship. Until then you'll just end up getting involved with toxic people like this guy because you have issues to work out and don't see your own value.

    Nobody should talk to another person the way he talks to you. Period.

    • Well i've told him I want to be single but we've broken up and gotten back together so many times that he thinks im just trying to make him beg now and I'm not, I really want to leave. And he thinks i'm just bailing on him because we just got into a new house and he's stuck with all the bills. He always brings up how he's paid for everything for me and that I owe him

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    • He can take care of himself. You do what's best for you.

What Girls Said 1

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