Should women be judged the same as men in dating?

So I've seen multiple comments on here from women, remarking that is sad or shallow that men judge women only on looks and personality, while women judge men on looks, personality, money, status, confidence, etc. So I've got a question for all of you.

Would women be better off if men judged them on the same things women judge men on? That is, we have different attraction cues that matter. For instance, I might be hard working, and honest, but that won't help me get dates. That's life.

Currently, I think we can all agree than men mainly judge women on looks, and character, as attraction cues. Basically--is she cute/attractive? And is she loyal/fun/honest, etc?

While women judge men on looks and personality, but also on how much money he has, what job/career he has, confidence, social skills, status, like that. Those are attraction cues to women.

So, the hypothetical situation is this. Let's say men stopped being happy with cute, sweet girls, and wanted women with confidence to approach guys, good social skills (such as, can strike up a conversation with a stranger and smoothly get his number), a good job/career, a decent amount of money in her pocket, and status.

In other words, let's say men suddenly judged women on the exact same things women judge men on and find attractive.

Would women find it easier to get dates, or harder?

  • I'm a woman, and women would find it hard to get dates under that standard.
    Vote A
  • I'm a woman, and women would find it easier to get dates under that standard.
    Vote B
  • I'm a woman, and changed standards would make no difference.
    Vote C
  • I'm a man, and think most women would be single under those standards.
    Vote D
  • I'm a man, and think most women would be able to get boyfriends under those standards.
    Vote E
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
What I find curious is, how many women will think things would be easier--when you can find tons of threads on here where women state that approaching a guy would be terrifying, or they tried it once and got rejected so they never will again, etc?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Women already tend to have more developed social skills than guys.

    I think guys would be happier if they looked more in depth into what kind of girl would be a good match instead of picking one with the right looks and trying to push his interests and preferences on.

    Likewise, women would have to be able to hold their own instead of just finding a guy to drool over her and bossing him around. They'd need to develop better skills for a real psrtnership.

    So I voted that it'd be easier, because both sexes would be looking more for what makes a healthy relationship.

    • Really? That's quite a claim. Isn't the fact that women rarely approach men counter to that? Or are you saying women to women socials skills are highly developed (and highly volatile) hence women have higher social skills?

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    • Studies also show women end friendships faster and have higher rates of inter-social conflict among friend groups, though. :P

    • I think part of that is because social hierarchy is more fluctuating in female groups and people are always jockeying for status (male and female).

      Females have bigger social circles, so there are people in their peer group they aren't that close to. But they are usually incredibly loyal to a few core friends. The stuff you're talking about is the "not really close" dynamic.

      Guys seem to have a few core friends with a distinct role layout. One guy is usually the leader, another the mastermind, another the clown and a follower or two. Etc.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • Well, my brains and zany charm are about the only things I seem to win people over with... so I guess I'd be better off this way. I think that'd be a mixed bag - pretty dolls with no game would regret it, plain Janes with a bit of personality would see it as a blessing.

  • Oh boy, it would be SO much easier for me to get a date then lol. I think that some women would do INCREDIBLY well by being judged by these new standards whereas a larger amount of women would really fail at it and would be labeled as "losers".

    • Oh, of course it would help you, harakiri. But how many of your fellow women can actually go approach guys and get numbers? :p

    • I actually have no problem talking to guys. Now if guys valued sense of humor and intelligence and respectful behavior as much as women do... I would totally be winning :p They would be impressed with my career goals and personality.

      As a woman being viewed against the traditional standards...I'm totally losing :p

      Awesome q, by the way :D

  • i just have to say that not all women look at how much money a guy earns or what job he has or even his confidence and social skills. at least i know i do not.

    • Good girl :) :) for now :) In a cpl of years young lady, please begin looking into those as you can't sail life away in the ocean of love alone :)

      Good luck to you & god speed :)

    • thank you. i just look at a guy's personality and don't care wether he is a handyman or businessman. guys are emotional beings too, so why should we women treat them any different regarding love?

  • I think it would make no difference because this would be ingrained in us from the start, and for some that situation is in place now. So, its not All that hypothetical

  • Women complain that men judge on looks alone it would be great if they judged on personality initially too

    • You mean, like, confidence, charisma?

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    • lol "letting you approach"? what's stopping you? :p

    • I just said, why approach when the guys are already approach ing you all the time. If you had women approach ing you all the time would you keep going out of your way to approach just to be politically correct and fair to the women who whine about men not approaching?

What Guys Said 4

  • Andywes, andywes.

    You don't need to separate A from D and B from E. The answers are split that way automatically.

    I'm gonna vote C in spite of not being a woman.

    We're not all going to suddenly be single.

    The type of standards applied could change, but the expectation would be adjusted based on actual competition. So some women would be better off, others worse, but it's a zero sum game.

    Generally speaking, older women would benefit tremendously, younger women hurt a lot.

  • I actually wonder why even make a topic of discussion out of it :D

    I think men are happy with the way they judge the woman and the woman are happy doing the same :) so be it ;)

    Nature's made all of us in a particular way and I don't think we should run around trying to change the basics :)

  • I voted for E. I simple hate these double standard when it comes to 'dating'.

    • So, you feel women should be judged also on their confidence levels, social skills (such as, randomly approaching guys and striking up conversation) and such?

    • Yes, of course! Now gender roles have changed a lot, but still some things remain backward and archaic (such as men ALWAYS being expected to make the first move). There shouldn't be much of a difference between how men and women are judged, nor what they can do, unless its limited by their gender (for example, men can't bear children and women can't grow a penis).

  • Vote F: I'm a man, and everybody would be better off without a patriarchal society

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