Relationship problem: Is it me or have things turned sour?

This is going to be incredibly long winded, so bare with me.

My and my boyfriend have just reached our year mark.
In the beginning it was amazing, he used to do and say the sweetest most romantic things. But then I had to dissapear of to America to work for 3 months, we kept in contact everyday and he flew out to meet me for a 2 week holiday after I had finished my time there,
Since weve been back there's been some up and downs- I had to move away from London and now were doing a long distance thing but see each other pretty much every weekend.
In November I saw a message he sent to another girl on Facebook (who turned out to be a YouTube star) calling her "breathtakingly beautiful"- something he's never called me since we first started dating. I've got over that, but it still stings when I think about it.
we talked about it and he said he didn't regard it as flirting.
Ever since that things haven't been the same, he slowly decreased the amount of times he tells me he misses me/wishes to be with me. Its been a couple of months since he's said that to me now...

We text all day every day, he doesn't ever call me and says there's no point when we are texting all day- understandable?

I've been on the contraceptive pill for about 5 months now, and for the first 3 weeks it sent me crazy;I got upset over the tiniest things and moaned at my boyfriend a lot!

I've gotten better, but I still find myself upset over the fact that he never says he misses me or wishes to be with me. He says he loves me every night or before he goes out somewhere and he only calls me gorgeous when we say goodnight- which is like a scripted habit we have.
I've brought this up with him loads of times and he says hell try more, but nothings changed. When I'm with him now i'm constantly aware of how much verbal/physical affection he's showing me and if he doesn't show me any i get really upset because I know he's capable of being so sweet.
I dont know what to do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • In my opinion, there's something in you that make things sour. Your boyfriend loves you but you don't appreciate or accept his love. Maybe you are not the girl anymore he used to know and fell inlove with. Think of the times you were before and you are now.

    I think if you got over with that "youtube star" you will not mention it here. He said its not flirting so why just forget and move on? Or why just think or play positive like "yah she's breathtakingly beautiful but I am more beautiful than her because he fell inlove with me and we're in relt'p now" instead of "something he's never called me since we first started dating" that's a bit negative thinking, for me it shows a sign of insecurity. If you know yourself you are beautiful, you don't need anyone even your boyfriend to tell you that.

    "I got upset over the tiniest things and moaned at my boyfriend a lot!" - that's the big issue I can sense as to why he's acting different. For me, that's a sign of immaturity and that's a big turn-off to guys whether in relt'p or not. Don't expect him to show you more love when you are acting like that. He has feelings too. He would see himself as loser and feel bad because he will think that he is the reason behind your sadness and he can't make you happy. So he will start acting distant instead of showing more love.

    If I were you, I will not focus him or relt'p too much. I will give myself space and time to focus more on myself, my goals, career, do the things I like, love myself more, and be optimistic. Treat my boyfriend as my bestfriend, be natural, I won't expect from him too much, and just stay cool. Drop the problems/negative mind by not thinking too hard.
    Remember he is not your life, he is just part of your life. That your happiness doesn't depend on him, it depends on you. Don't focus on his behavior towards you, focus on your behavior and work on it. Later, you will realize that he's treating you back the way you want to be treated.


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What Girls Said 3

  • I agree wholeheartedly with Zoe, except that I may think your "immaturity" may be down to the contraceptive pill. I went mental for nearly a year and nearly left my boyfriend because I was so obsessed with the same things you are (he never says he loves me etc etc). I'd be out with him and all I'd be thinking was paranoid thoughts about how he hates me and doesn't want to be with me, how ugly and horrible I was... I was seriously depressed! I'd ditch the pill completely and I'm really angry doctors still prescribe it without fully explaining the side effects. I've gone with the nonhormonal coil, go speak to your Gp about it and in the mean time, buy some condoms and stop putting crazy juice into your body every day. I honestly think this will help.

    • That's so refreshing that someone relates to me here!
      Did your boyfriend withdraw more because of it? How are you guys now? How did you latch things up?
      What's coil like? I hear it can be painful?

    • No, he was just confused and worried. we lived together though so it is very different seeing someone like that lol all the time. We're not together now but that was due to other issues and not these. He was supportive - for a change! and I came off the pill and things settled down a bit. The coil is a bit painful to have put in, and it's a bit sore for a few days, but after that you're good for 10yrs! after the initial pain I've never had any issues with it - I've got no idea it's there and my current partner certainly can't feel it. I'd really recommend ditching the pill though, just for a short time to see how it affects your mood. I was so depressed and lonely and confused when I was using it, which is why doctors should explain it more to people!

  • In the beginning of relationships they are always a lot more loving and caring but as they progress what they call the "honeymoon" period begins to fade and normality sets in, once the relationship becomes what is normal, guys tend to stop making half as much effort as they made in the beginning, it's not intentional, it's just what happens, you've spoke to your guy about it and he's not changed, that's where you have the problem because you can't change your guys personality or how he is, in the beginning, there was higher risk of you walking away but now you're a longterm relationship and as it progresses the risk fades. I think the true test here is if you can adapt to being with the person that your boyfriend really is.
    Good luck :)

  • The YouTube comment was nothing its like he was talking to a celebrity. So dismiss that.
    I don't think text and phone calls are the same.
    Maybe send him so cute pics of yourself so he's reminded on how gorgeous you are :)

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