How to bring up the subject of weight when online dating?

Who should bring it up? Should the person who is larger bring it up or should it be the person who definitely not attracted to bigger people?

Honestly this is a dilemma for me now that I'm back in the dating game.

I don't want to make a big deal about it, because I want someone to like me for me. Also, I don't want to make a huge deal about it because I am confident in myself. I am plus size and it hasn't really stopped guys from being really attracted to me. Guys stare at me all the time in public.

However, yesterday I had a pretty bad experience. I was chatting with this guy online and everything was going really well. We had some pretty great conversations and he seemed very interested in me. Never did he mention that he was completely turned off by weight. He said I was cute from my pictures and that I had an amazing personality. He was dying to meet me. So we set a time and date to meet.

So yesterday was that meeting, and I met him where we agreed to meet. We didn't talk more than 2 minutes. He immediately rejected me. He said "I don't mean to sound like a dick, but I was expecting something different from the pictures, so have a great evening". And then turned and walked away.

Now, don't get me wrong, he's allowed to have a preference. But I would have definitely appreciated if he had been more up front about that being a big issue for him.

I've never had anyone reject me like that. Now in all fairness, I don't know 100 percent if it was the weight, but I don't really think I look all that different from pictures to in person, so perhaps that was it?

What do you guys think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've had this problem when meeting girls. What I do now to minimize this from happening is stuff like these things.

    1. I will not message girls who do not have a full body picture. This includes pictures of them covered up in clothes. If I cannot tell, I just do not message/reply.

    2. I check to see if they are physically active. This minimizes the chances that they may become overweight later on although I notice some still may. I lift weights a lot so a gym goer would be perfect for me (but obviously not everyone).

    3. I check and see if they may have posted times that photo was taken. I'll admit my photos are kinda old but if I were to get back into it, I'd probably update and post times the photo was taken. I had one time where I suspect the girl used outdated photos where she was thinner because I was very mislead by one.

    In your situation, he was mislead meaning he thinks you're probably the deceiver in this situation. I don't know what photos you had but most of the girls deceive guys by taking pictures from overhead as this makes it hard to see them as overweight. I also notice girls not posting any body pics and only posting face pictures.

    Basically be detailed with your photos and you will not have an issue. I had similar issues with misleading photos so I know what the guy went through. He was just more upfront about it where I would at least stay for a little and chat and just leave it at that.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Pictures can be really deceptive, from the right angle your face looks very different then a other angle
    And that's yust 1 thing
    And also I personally dont like heavy girls either but I do not care about boobs/butt
    Im veryt attracted to someone's face
    That being said with the right angle and shadow your face can look much slimmer
    And places outside can also work deceptive very easly
    Light shadow angle etc can highlight good things and hide bad things, however because you know them you can easly see them but that's different for strangers
    They simply don't take it fully in only the highlights

    Or maybe he changed his mind about dating and searched a excuse to leave asap

  • Put it on your profile if you think it will cause problems. You'll save time.

    • I put it on my profile, but ever since doing that I am now getting no messages, or replies to any of my messages :S. So, I guess I don't deserve a relationship?

    • I see. Well, what are you going to do?

What Girls Said 2

  • Don't take it too personally because it's the internet. You don't know how many people he rejected before meeting you for similar reasons or other reasons. I once had somebody hang up on me after 3 minutes of conversation because I criticized social media. Somebody have a false sense of entitlement.

    • I can handle rejection online, been there done that many times. But in person it's much harder to take. Especially in a public place.

  • You should have at least one full body picture and your weight in your about me along with height eye colour etc just so it's there I. The open before contact begins and then neither of you will be disappointed with the outcome.