Would I be selfish if I dumped her because I can't see her waste her life?

Basically I don't know if I should keep pushing or dump her I've been trying for several months now. I feel like her care taker and she always promises me she will do better but I find she hides food or I find receipts. She wasn't always over weight I guess she got too comfortable. We've been together for three years. I'm tired of always having to take care of her and not being able to do normal couple things. I can't even sleep in the same bed anymore (not because I'm disgusted it's because she's ashamed). I'm a fitness trainer so I tried hard to push her. We met when she was way smaller but I stuck through it. She keeps promising she'll change but she has not.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being a guy who owns lots of knowledge about fitness and have guided lotsss of people with their training (Which 80% did not keep it up and failed me after writing and giving hundreds of tips) I just want to say I feel you brother...

    I think she got to the point where her brain uncautiously will be
    "Yeah he will say this and that and nothing to really stop me so I will get what I want" So...

    1. This time it's going to be the hard way,
    Tell her "You got only one month I want you to do it for ONLY one month no more, no less!"
    This month you got to follow this schedule, (Create a schedule for her DON'T make it too hard or too easy)

    2. IT should include a healthy diet and a good workout routine for a girl. (That's your stuff so I will leave that for you)

    3. Tell Her ONE mistake and you're as good as finished with each other. Explain to her it's only one month no more, She got years to eat and do whatever she wants afterwards. (Tricking her brain is the first and the most important step.)

    4. When she manages to finish this one month she sure will see some good results + It's very very unlikely she will stay with her old diet.

    -So she seems like she likes to eat a lot?

    Well how about giving her a schedule with lots of meals but balance the food intake.

    Try to do this for one month, Just handle it for the sake of your girl, if it didn't work...
    Sounds like your girl doesn't care enough to keep a promise for a guy she loves.

    Best of luck.

    • I tried half of this but I'll try to be tougher. I've been way to lenient because she starts to cry. I'm mostly worried about meals because when I give her a decent meal she wants more I say no and then the next day I find food hidden in places which really upsets me.

    • You need to make her realize that crying is not the way out of the problem. It seems like it's a psychological problem since she had no trouble to be fit before, but the emotions in her brain made her to believe that eating more and not training when you feel "comfortable in your life" is something "right" to do.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Well in marriage they say "for better or for worse." Do you love your girlfriend? If the answer is "Yes," then stay with her. Sometimes people learn through other people. Usually when my family (like my parents) tell me something I won't listen to them but if somebody outside my family advises me with the exact same words I'll listen to them.. It's kinda weird but some people are like that. Some people think "Oh, ___ (insert your name) doesn't know how I feel, I'm gonna do this MY way." She may think that.

    Also know that food cravings are REALLY hard to beat. You may have loads of self-discipline that your girlfriend may not have yet and you can't always expect people to be on the same level as you. You CAN search for another girl who is serious about her health but if you love your girlfriend you may live with regret for not sticking it out with her and being with her.

    Do you love your girlfriend? If so I'd say stay... People wanna leave their significant others so easily and sometimes its not even worth it...

    How would you feel if you had food cravings all the time and gained weight and she left you? Stay with her!!!

  • I don't think it's selfish, you can't blend with her lifestyle.
    It can make you unhealthy with all that stress and worrying
    You tried your best, but her decision was to lie and keep doing her thing.
    I think it's best you let go.
    Maybe she'll actually know you mean serious business and she'll try her true hardest to be healthy

    • She never comes to my parties anymore because she's that ashamed and thinks she's "bad" for my business due to my weight. I tell her what she tells me and try to motivate her yet it always ends up in her turning her own words against me and getting upset at me.

    • She's very insecure. I think she leasts when she's frustrated or in a depression

    • *she eats

  • I don't think you'd be selfish. This girl is just causing you pain and stress, even when you try to help her. The longer you stay with her, the more it'll hurt you.

  • No that's not selfish.

  • oh wow!!! i dont think you should dump her if you love her? now if you dont love her stop wasting your life and hers to... i understand moving on can be hard but sometimes its much needed! why does she hide food?

    • Basically I talked to her before about this issue and told her what she told me in the beginning. We have to stay healthy if we want to live long together and have kids. Her doctor even said her weight is completely not normal for her height or age. I told her we could do this together and she agreed. She told me she quit eating all that crap yet I find it hidden places when I clean (she can't due to her size). I talk to her about it and she begins to cry and say she'll change and that never happened. I keep asking why she got to this weight when she got me motivated to become a fitness trainer and she just shrugs and says she got too comfortable.

    • it dosent sound like your talking about a girlfriend sounds more like a child

  • I'm sure you know a lot about this as a fitness trainer, but to me with her hiding food this sounds a lot like an addiction, and it might have to be treated as one. Sounds like no amount of "tough love" or gentle reminders are likely to help, she's losing control and might need something drastic to get her out of her routines and environment like agreeing to take part in some sort of fitness boot camp or similar situation. I doubt it's a simple case of being too comfortable, there are probably deeper psychological issues involved that she should consider talking to someone about through therapy of some kind rather than just treating the physical aspects of it. As far as you leaving, again think of this as someone who has an addiction, decide if you're willing to stick with her for the long haul and if so let her know that you're serious about her needing to change but understand it won't happen overnight and there will probably be some slip ups. If it seems like too daunting of a task it's fair to walk away.


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