My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while, we're both in our mid-twenties. Anyway he said something last night that he meant to be a teasing remark, but I took it the wrong way and I got upset. Instead of apologizing, he just accused me of freaking out and being too sensitive, which is normal for him. So I decided to change the topic and I ended up talking to him about some serious issues in my life surrounding my family. Usually he is REALLY good talking about that, and is always there for me, but this time, he pretty much told me that he had no idea what to say and that my concerns are irrational anyway. Maybe it's because he was mad at me, but he is always so understanding when I talk about my family and it really hurts that he wasn't there for me. Obviously I am not going to break up with him over one thing, but why would he do this? And what should I say to let him know it hurt my feelings without "freaking out" at him?
What the hell happened last night?
What Guys Said 1
OMG you could walk in my footsteps. If I may offer a thought or two...
First most girls are more sensitive and men are more coarse, its the way we're wired. So naturally you are typically going to be the one to get upset. Learn to get over it for both of your sakes. That's tought to hear but typically he's not the one getting offended/upset most times. Because you are sweeter/gentler/kinder. It's the game...moving along...
Switching subjects and moving along was an excellent tactic but choosing the topic of "serious issues in my life surrounding my family" would not likely be one he would want to re-re-visit for the umpteenth time that day/week/hour. He's still the "understanding" kind of guy but if you wanted to get "his" mind off of you and you loosing your cool then "maybe" you'd have better success picking the Lakers, Dodgers or his car. Show interest and talk about something in "his" life rather than switching to the interminal "your family" conversation for the third time that day.
Hope I'm not being too direct for your but I've relived this scenario waaaay too many times in my 20+ years and truly want to give an insight into the dynamics that are clearly going to repeat themselves in your future.
Communicating without freaking out is solved with a direct reply akin to "Ouch, that hurt" or "That wasn't so sensitive" as many times I personally find myself too dense to even know I've offended her, again. Be direct and I usually find myself saying "did I say something?" which can only be answered one way. Ah life and the yin/yang of boys and girls.
What Girls Said 1
You getting upset with him put him on the defensive and now all he wants to do is be mad at you. The best time to bring up issues isn't while he is mad at you because he will only hurt your feelings. Besides that, it seems like you were trying to get pity from him. He got mad at you so you tell him your sob story. I am not saying you shouldn't talk to him about things like that, but you need to have better timing.0
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