A mate... What attracts you to them?

What qualities, abilities, attributes, or whatever do you look for in someone you are going to date?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're talking about a permanent partner, then I look for loyalty, emotional strength, financial maturity, and a willingness to let me have my way sometimes. This last quality used to be called "submissiveness," but that is now considered a controversial, so I think I should explain. I'm submissive to my wife all the time about some things, mostly stuff she knows more about, is better than me at, or just cares about more. I would like that to be reciprocated occasionally without a debate every time. It's important to everyone, men and women.

    By loyalty I mean someone I can trust to do right by me, just like I should do right by her. Emotional strength means that she won't overreact to perceived slights by anybody, including me. There are lots of people of both sexes who are like that. And financial maturity means that she can keep track of how much money we have, how much we can spend, has a willingness to pay for prudent things like insurance, retirement accounts, and things like that, that don't have obvious immediate benefits.

    If it's NOT serious, I like a girl with a nice smile and a nice ass.

    • I like what you said for a serious partner.

    • @ I'm submissive to my wife all the time about some things, mostly stuff she knows more about, is better than me at, or just cares about more. I would like that to be reciprocated occasionally without a debate every time.

      I've heard this before and i dont undersrand it. do you consider discussing something a 'debate'?

      i dont see why discussing a decision should be a big deal, especially if you are so confident that you are correct. then why would you be worried about her wanting to make sure you are doing the right thing?

      Why is it a good thing to just agree with someone even if you dont?

      not knowing as much about something isn't really a good reason to not be involved in the final say, bc you can always learn. plus even experts make mistakes. and of course it affects both of you.

      understanding something is important to your partner not so much to you and and yielding on that basis is one thing. i get that. but just agreeing out of obedince. i dont get the appeal.

    • I think we agree more than you realize. Discussion itself is not bad. But if the decision is ultimately not important, for example, which restaurant to go to, if my wife suggests a place, I'll usually agree because even if I don't like the place, my wife obviously does since she suggested it, and I would rather have her happy than get my way.

      Another example about why I would agree even if I think we're not doing the right thing. We are saving money for our children's education. After starting one kind of account, my wife suggested a different kind I had considered and rejected. After I explained why I thought it wasn't a good idea, she repeated that she thought we should go with her suggestion. This went on for years, and she never gave a reason, she just felt good about her idea. I finally agreed because the relationship is worth more than the money. But it would have been nice if she had felt the same way.

      I still love her, and I'm happy with her!

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What Guys Said 6

  • Dark eyes a must... im 6'-7" but i kind of like them short and "squishy"... i like them smart and capable but i also like them a little shy... i like them calm and handle problems easy... BUT what im NOT attracted to is women that are used to permescuity and different boyfriends all the time... or loud mouth drama... and i can't stand females that act like their so brilliant when they actually are looking stupid... yep yep yep

  • Pretty eyes
    Great smile
    Sense of humor ( the most important )
    Kind of laid back or relaxed - peaceful.
    That's it!!!

  • Behavior, thought patterns, physical appearance and voice.

  • Creatively/artistically minded, kind, caring, sweet

  • positive qualities of course =)

  • A hot body and a good personality.


What Girls Said 3

  • Someone who is intelligent, ambitious, friendly and can make me laugh. Having interests in common would be nice too lol.

  • pretty eyes,
    openly emotional-in a good way ( not a of his feelings and able to express himself)
    can discuss problems openly; rationally ; without attacking,
    physically inclined: enjoys physical activity; communicates physically- affectionately ; sensual,
    being able to laugh at stress isa bonus but not essential long as he's kind,
    insight is good but not essential as im fairly insightful, so as long as he's thoughtful and trusts my judgement we're ok.

  • Intelligence, some book smarts, a sense of humor, peaceful, a love for art and music, open-mindedness.

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