How do I deal with him being out of my league?

I am not attractive. Not looking for pity or beauty is in the eye of the beholder or any of that. Seriously. I am fat with frizzy hair fucked up teeth and all that jazz. My boyfriend is the guy all the bitches wanted in high school. Beautiful and sweet and funny.

He says I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He must be delusional. No sarcasm. No joke. Its just not true.

I offer nothing. Nothing he can't find in a better woman. Understanding support and love, yes. But who wouldn't give him that if they were his gf?

I am always sick (thyroid is dying) require a lot of care and don't make much money at all. Like 400 bucks a month low.

How can he love me? What is wrong with him?

I don't know. But it hurts to be with him. To walk hand in hand with everyone looking at us funny. I am not paranoid. I see the sneers and hear the comments. To want to hold him so badly but his touch burns because I know we look stupid together and we will never be beautiful together. It hurts because his embrace makes me feel beautiful for a moment. Until I remember what we look like together and it makes me so depressed I retract.

He is the only man I have loved like this. We are so perfect together in every way. Except this way. And it blocks me. Blocks me from accepting his love. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall.

How do I deal with being ugly? Especially when he doesn't see it. I feel guilty letting him be
I've that delusion by letting him treat me like I am beautiful. It hurts. It hurts so bad.

Oh my holy fuck apparently no one gets the concept of being realistic about one's shortcoming while still love g themselves. I don't hate myself. I am a bad ass friend/chick. But in a world that says love is only for the beautiful I am struggling


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you are truly beautiful in his eyes.
    Maybe he sees you as his equal.
    This hurt for me to read but the more I read the more respect I had for your boyfriend. He obviously doesn't care what people think so you should really work on trying to embrace him thinking you're his equal. You two need to just be you. Love is a powerful thing so powerful I'm not quite sure if I've experienced it. Try to learn to enjoy his company because he seems to be enjoying yours.

    • Thanks for MH.

    • I hope you do get to experience love. I put you as most helpful because its everything I know I need to accept. Just struggling knowing how to do that

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Okay, real talk. None of that sugar coating bullshit.

    Exercise. Work and sweat your ASS off until the day you look in the mirror and go, "God DAYM. That is a HOT ASS BITCH."

    • He likes the fat. And that shit don't fix the face

    • Also... I like the fat, too. Wish I was shaped a little different (want a bigger ass) it really is mostly the face

  • some people just like less attractive mates? it happened to me with the last girl I dated, I met her online (yes I know. pathetic) but I wasn't like LOOKING on there for someone to go out with and she was being treated like shit by her BF at the time... she finally broke up with him after he cheated on her for the third time. And I asked her out. I went out with her for three weeks and then we started skyping.. when she first sent me pictures I was shocked and didn't believe that she actually looked like that, I mean she was like a 1000001 on a scale of 1-10, she made supermodels look ugly... anyway so when I first saw her on Skype I was shocked to find out she was real... like I was expecting her to be fake and lying to me... Im not the best looking guy on the planet btw, so I think im honestly pretty ugly and most people at work and school and just general people I know tell me im ugly so I just accept the fact, BUT SHE LIKES ME? so at first I was confused, but then she told me her reasons behind it, She said that I was sweet, caring, I treated her well, I loved her regardless, and she also told me that she didn't see there being a problem with how I look because of my personality being so strong, not tryin to be on my own dick or anything but I am nice and caring and all that stuff I just can't see how me being all that can make me less ugly... idk, I've met people before who thought I was cute tho so idk, personal dislike or maybe im just overthinking it... What im trying to say is maybe your boyfriend likes you for more than just ur looks, he probably likes ur personality so much that u being "ugly" doesn't bother him... just my opinion, feel free to let me know what u think

    • and actually, the first time me and her hung out I felt bad for her cuz she had to be seen with me in public but she didn't much care... sorry, forgot to include that...

  • Well, I can imagine that he probably feels the exact opposite of what you're experiencing. He sees you as being beautiful, and he probably wishes you would see it too.

    You've just gotta work on your self-image and see yourself for the beautiful person that you are. I understand that it's not easy to make transition from self-loathe to self-love, but it's absolutely possible and you can accomplish this for yourself if you set your mind to it and make it a priority. It can happen.

    • I like who I am as a person but beauty is important in this world. Not everyone is beautiful. Harsh fact

    • Show All
    • Oh ok, so a part of you feels like he might be settling for you because you'll likely stick around where others have not, and NOT because he actually finds you attractive?

    • Honestly, it's a very rare thing when a man compliments a woman on her looks like that and he doesn't mean it.

      I mean sure, it's POSSIBLE, but it's just so incredibly unlikely...

  • Dats "Real Luv". Show it to the entire world how great luv can be when in faced tough situations :)


What Girls Said 5

  • One. Stop... you're poking at the proverbial bubble and if u keep it up at this rate your gonna ruin your own happiness.
    Two. Fuck what everyone else thinks about you you are a beautiful strong individual and should realize that. Is your relationship you him and everyone else's... no its yours and his
    Three. when he looks at you he sees his beautiful girlfriend and you don't but you will never see how he sees you because your not him babe , he loves you... stop trying to destroy it and let him maybe if you would stop being self destructive you will learn to love your self too because your worth it

  • How you considered to see a professional? I feel you are hurting yourself in this way.

  • For your face consider contouring with makeup and doing certain face excersizes. I know face excersizes sound crazy but trust me it works. If you search it up it can help you with your dilemma. Also contouring actually helps, I hated the way I looked before. I just let my friend put some eyeliner on me and contour my face and I feel gorgeous everyday now. Try that, and if you dont like your hair try a different hair style or straighten your hair. Just remember how much other girls crave your hair ;)

  • If you don't like something about yourself try to change it, whether that means dressing in clothes that better suit your figure and make you feel amazing, getting your hair done, teeth whitened, watch make up how to videos on YouTube etc... There are a lot of things you can do to make yourself feel more beautiful if your appearance is bothering you.

    I just want to say though, not all girls provide understanding, support and love. In fact very few provide all three. Just because they look a certain way, doesn't mean they're not selfish, immature, boring or for whatever reason (like a horrible childhood etc) unable to be in a healthy relationship.
    The things you're providing him with are HUGE! And if you're sincere they are actually quite rare. The outside stuff can be changed, but the inner stuff... he will never find someone like you again, never. He knows how amazing and unique you are, he's not going to lose you.

    • Can't change my face

    • Show All
    • I don't want to conform to their stupid ideals or beliefs. I can think for myself, and you know what I was born this way. I'm not fucking changing, and YOU all you people out there with your stupid notions of beauty, you can just get the hell out of my way! I'm not stopping for you!

      Sorry about the rant, but it's not about turning yourself into someone else. It's about making yourself feel more confident in who you actually are, and what you look like:)

    • And plenty are not;)

  • This was a sad read.

    He loves you or he wouldn't be with you. Usually people say no one will love you until you love yourself so you're very blessed to have a man who loves you and stays with you despite your self loathing.

    Looks are a small part of life. Consider the Australian girl with model good looks who was disfigured in a bushfire. Her boyfriend loves her no matter what she looks like. Surely he remembers how pretty she used to be but he says it's still HER, he still sees her eyes. Your boyfriend loves something about you and you must stop putting yourself down. You won't lose him because you're "ugly" like you would tell yourself, but it's exhausting to love someone who doesn't love themselves. Hold his hand because YOU LOVE HIM, don't think about how you feel about yourself. He is free to leave you if he really wanted to -- and usually someone who puts a lot of energy into the belief they're not good enough for someone, that someone might start believing it.

    Try not to focus so heavily on looks. People will always look at couples and say "he's hotter than her" or "how did he get her?" no matter what. Love is about putting the other person first so instead of worrying what you look like, be happy and proud that he's with you and show him love. Because there are "ugly" people out there who don't have anybody.

    • Ugly doesn't ! mean self loathing. Why does everyone go there? Seriously. It means I know what I look like. I am an awesome person/friend. But really... ro! mande requires beauty in this world

Loading... ;