Should I still be guarded? How can I figure out if we are on our way to being 'exclusive' without being too upfront about it?

I have gotten my heart broken a lot in the past, so it's not easy for me to open up fully to someone. I do fear rejection/heartbreak... and I know I should 'live in the moment' but it's not the easiest thing for me (I am an over thinker). I'm also not the one to make the first move/not super touchy-feely (even though I wish I could be)...

Here's my story: I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months, and it has been really good so far.. We had our first kiss on our third date, and I've been to his place a couple of times. We have had sex, but it doesn't seem to be the defining factor of "whatever we are". We get along really well and appreciate each other's humor. One of our last dates, we were walking and ended up at this old factory. He asked me my thoughts on PDA, when I reciprocated the question he said "well cause I kinda want to hold your hand.." I thought that was super cute and said "of course you can!" - From then, we held hands for the rest of the night, hugged, kissed, and when we sat side by side, he liked to caress my knee. All my friends are telling me these are signs of going in the right direction/him liking me... but because I feel so guarded, I'm conflicted with how I should feel right now... which I know sounds super selfish/insecure; I want to be more expressive with my feelings, but the 'guard' is stopping me. We also only see each other once a week; I have a 9-5 job and he works at night and gets Sundays & Mondays off, so we see each other Sunday (he mentioned once "Since our day is usually Sundays, we should go..."). We do text each other throughout the week, but not seeing each other more often makes me even more guarded.

I think it's too early to have 'the talk'... but it is okay to still be guarded at this point? What are some ways I can find out if we are on our way to being 'exclusive' without being too upfront about it?

I appreciate it if you read my message haha, sorry for the it's length!


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  • I'm having the same problem, it's so frustrating! I'm trying to stop myself from having the talk though, it seems too soon and I don't want to scare him off. I don't know if this helps at all, but it's nice to know someone's having the same problem. Ergh. Men.