He won't make a commitment to me but says he wants it to work out?

I met a man back in December (almost 7 months ago now). After about 3 months of dating casually I desired more time with him but he was always "too busy". I explained my feelings to him but felt as if I was beating a dead horse. He asked me to see him one day and I said I would be happy to. However, hours after the planned hangout he texted me and said "hey I just woke up". I did not respond to that text and I figured it was over between us.

Then 4 weeks later he contacts me to see how I'm doing. The excitement running through my veins was just indescribable. For those 4 weeks every night I had prayed for him to realize what he had lost. Anyway, he asked me to see him. I did. He told me that he didn't realize how much he missed me until he saw me and that he never wanted to lose me again... now three months later he has told me that he loves me very much and he wants it to work out between us.

Everything has been going great except for one thing. I found out that he had a sexual relationship with someone during those 4 weeks of us not talking. I was not bothered by this but was only bothered by the fact that he voluntarily lied to me.

A few weeks ago I started to hint that I wanted a commitment. He gave really no response. He said that he wants something serious and stable and that we need to work on getting along and being consistent.

Now every weekend that comes and he goes out with his friends for the night I get insecure that maybe he's sleeping with some random woman. This makes me angry and I'm not shy to express it to him. I feel bad for my outburst and he blames that on the reason why he doesn't want a gf. I feel we fight bc of his noncommital self though..

I know I should walk away and I will do so... but before doing so... is there any advice anyone can offer as I feel so sad knowing that he does in fact love me but is so fearful of commitment and failure. But I can not be happy and feel safe to continue without me being his gf.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I did not read but one sentence and i know what to say already...
    REQUIRE commitment. If wants it to work out then a relationship is required and it's that simple.
    If he wants you he will always be right with you.

    • thank you

    • Your welcome. Iv'e been where you are. You would never understand how easy it is to make a man commit. :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • You are wasting your time. He knows you like him, and he's trying to leverage that to get you to give him what he wants, which is a casual, no-strings-attached relationship. He won't come out and say so outright, but he is clearly avoiding anything having to do with a commitment, and that's because he simply doesn't want one, probably not with anyone.

    Since a commitment is what you want, you are just wasting your time with this guy. He's not going to change, so either accept that all you'll get from him is casual sex (and him being free to mess around with other girls as well), or let him go and move on with your life.

  • Sounds like too much conflict to be so early in the "relationship", if you will. :\ Probably best keeping your options open.

    • but do you really think its conflict? when the only conflict I see is me being fearful of him being with other women... he says he is not dating anyone else but then why am I not his gf

    • Show All
    • I see your point with him blaming me.. he's using that as an excuse.. but there aren't trust issues as of yet. He never said he would not sleep with anyone else only that he is not dating. In any case, you're prob right

    • From what I've read it seems like he's made a few excuses. But I know it's easier giving the advice than being in the position where the emotions are. Objectively I think it's a good idea to seek someone less flaky, more interested, and someone more invested. Although, I'm aware it would be hard to walk away without definitive closure. Good luck with this, it's an experience, it's how we learn. You win either way.

What Girls Said 3

  • I believe that being he is giving you Both a chance to nurture and nurse what you have Now, and by him saying that 'he wants something serious and stable and that we need to work on getting along and being consistent,' he is Right. By you fighting and arguing with him, probably even accusing him of your Insecurities, is going to put a sour ball in his mouth, and with this, he may Never----Commit.
    I understand why you feel upset over him going out every weekend with his friends, but you never said here if You are included with some of his time During those weekends. If not, then yes, I would be uptight and left out if he didn't spend anytime with me on any of his Friday nights into Sunday nites, and if this is the case, you both need to sit down and discuss this.
    However, if you are In there Somewhere, I would say you need to trust him more, or at least give him a chance. What he did when you both were not together those 4 weeks was naturally mind blowing for you, although acceptable. And he was honest in telling you. He really didn't have to. To me, that is a good start.
    It's totally up to you if you 'should walk away,' and maybe there is more to this than meets the eye here, but if the lines are not open for communication or even Any compromise, then I agree it isn't worth sticking around for.
    As far as the 'Big C' goes in the Commitment department. you could hold a carrot over the horse's nose, but that won't make him gallop to the stable any faster. And with what he wants in order to See if you would be the One for him as far as a potential partner, I cannot guarantee Honestly When or If it would Truly happen down the bridal path.
    Good luck. xx

  • If he can't actively make you feel secure about the relationship then I would dump him if I were you before it goes too far. It's best to cut off a hang nail than an arm.

  • Trust and communication is everything in a relationship. If you can't completely trust him, then I wouldn't suggest getting in a relationship with him. Your feelings for him will only grow as time goes on.