We've been together for over a year and he's texting a girl behind my back. What do I do?

We've been dating for a little over a year and at the beginning of the relationship things were AMAZING. After about 3 months me and some friends went out and I got a guys number and started texting him just as FRIENDS. No sexual stuff, no flirting just a nice person to talk to. Well he found the text messages in my phone, blew up, and made me move out. After about a week we got back together and after about a month things were back to normal. I didn't cheat on and didn't even think about cheating on him. Well I lost trust obviously, thinking I would earn it back by proving to him that he was the only one I wanted to be with. After

9 months I still have yet to earn it back. I have not gone out with friends or anything. But yet he goes and stays out sometimes all night and doesn't call and I still trust him with my world because he hadn't given me a reason not to until yesterday. I was looking for a number in his phone and stumbled over a text message that he had sent a girl saying " I can't wait to tear it up ;). " I was supposed to stay calm. UGH NO. I confronted him, he lied, I caught him and yet I still love him more than anything. Why? If he was doing that when I thought things were going soooo well, then what else has he done? I just need help. I don't want to be one of those stupid girls who just sits there and lets it keep happening. He admitted he made a mistake and that it wasn't worth it. HEEEELP


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like you guys need to have an honest talk with each other. He obviously is still holding a grudge from your actions in the past. And while I agree that your actions then were not right, I also think if he decided to forgive you, then that is what he needs to do. It seems like he is trying to get back at you for what you did, but like ten times worse. Have a talk with him and if he is a genuinely good guy and loves you, then he should cut the crap!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I have a very, very, very simple answer to this problem: it's over. The first thing that occurred that marked the beginning of the end is the texting issue with you and the first guy. I'm not saying you caused it but it started it. See, your guy didn't know the intentions and is a bit of the jealous type like everybody else. If you are being honest here (and I hope you are) then his reaction to the situation is way overdone.

    You admitted the second issue which is the trust issue. In my line of work and in life in general trust is a major issue. It can attenuate for the most part but once it is lost it's lost forever. Despite your efforts to reforge your bonds it was doomed.

    The very fact that he is texting other girls with such phrases as "can't wait to tear it up" just solidifies the fact that he no longer prioritizes you.

    About you loving him still. Well that is normal. Being in love has the same chemical profile as being addicted to cocaine. Explains why we love being in love and breaking up sucks so much! There is obviously more to it psychologically but to simplify the matter you don't want to give up.

    My recommendation is to move on. He is obviously moving on and knows you will stick around and will abuse that. Don't let it happen! It hurts I know. We all go through this cursed pain. I always saw a break up as a chance to move onto a better person.


What Girls Said 1

  • WELL YOU were the one that started texting that other guy in the first place so two wrongs SURE don't make it right bbut still! that's So bad of him to be texting that other chick too!