How to make a long distance relationship work? Especially when we are both career-oriented and refuse to leave our current jobs?

I have been out with this guy for only 4.5 months (officially), we knew each other a year ago as he's the presentative of the partner company. We started the relationship when i quit and got a new job.

We live in different country, he lives in Malaysia and I live in Vietnam, he travels here to where i live every 2-3 months for work. We have tried to see each other as often as possible (i went to Malaysia to see him or we met in Hong kong as we were both on business trips... Things were alright as we're both busy with our jobs. I just got a new job 2 months ago so we could only chat a few times during the day, Skype calls at weekend etc...

He has just returned from a 2 week trip and during that time we barely talked as the internet where he went to was bad and the time difference did make it difficult. He said he didn't think it would be this tough. It's the same for me especially when i am lucky enough to get a relaxing weekend with no business trip or events to organise. And the next few months will be super hectic. We might not see each other at all for 3 months. He said the thought made him sick, and he doesn't know what to do.

I'm worried we might not be able to cope and we will give up eventually. We talked a few times about this but we both want to stay where we are as the jobs are great. He signed a contract till 2016 to work in Malaysia and after that he might move to another country, but not Vietnam. I prefer to stay in Vietnam as i already have a house here and i want to stay close to my parents to help them with family business when they need me.

In 2 years i might change my mind and decide to move with him or the other way round. But for now, i dont know how we can get through this? Please give me some advice, i already googled thousand times. We do spend a lot of time working but we still have time to miss each other. We do all romantic, crazy trips when we meet. Surprised trips and presents too... i'm lost!!!


Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend and I are also long distance and we pretty much got a schedule overtime that took both of our schedules into mind. It's hard at times because the both of you are required to live two totally different lives. He has his life and you have your's. Communication is always key, try to find time to talk to each other and make sure you both are still being involved in each other's life. It gets hard I know, but when you find someone that you feel is truly worth the effort, it pays off. For my relationship, it's hard to just spend most of the time without him, but I know I have a connection with him that I've never had with someone I met in "real life". I'm someone who believes a relationship should always bring you more happiness than pain. If you both think it's worth it, try to work it out. I know it's early in the relationship but it may lead to someone great.

    • I had a 2 serious relationships before but never had the same feeling as i have with this guy. He makes me feel really special, i feel that we have a deep connection. We have never done long distance relationship before, this is our first. We try to talk everyday, either on whatsapp or skype. But we both are used to a lot of affection, this is very difficult. He even told me the thought of not seeing me for a few weeks makes him sick. Occasionally he had a bad day at work and he just messaged me that it sucked to not being able to hold me when he wanted to. It's really upsetting. I want this to work out but i dont know how i can make the time apart easier to handle. We both have great social lives, especially me when my job is in PR&Marketing, i am out a lot, but still there is time when i am staying in for a change and its when the loneliness hits. Same for him and atm we are just avoiding the subject as we don't know what to do.

    • I relate to you so much haha. It honestly does just get so hard at times. Like sometimes I'll consider trying to detach myself a little from him emotionally because i don't get to see him all the time. My boyfriend lost his job recently and it hurt like hell to not be able to be with him when he needed me most. I too try to just avoid the conversation because if's too early for any of us to discuss moving. It sounds like you care for the guy a lot. I wish there were a magic trick that could make long distance relationships easier, but aside from communication and a lot of trust, it's up to you guys to work it out. I'd say just whenever you feel lonely know he feels the same. He wants to be with you as much as you do. Also know that there are plenty of other people in long distance that understand how you feel.

    • Thank you for your advice, i hope your LDR will work out well. This is super tough!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You need more face-face time before one caves into the other's lifestyle
    so at least monthly a mutual halfway resort needs to accommodate your reunions.

    Otherwise, you both are not shopping jobs hard enough to find a mutual location to be together; it would be most fair for both to quit relocate to mutually loved location.

    • Both of our jobs are very demanding, he travels a lot around Southeast Asia and i travel a lot locally, sometimes overseas. So we only get like 2-3 days together every one or two months. It's quite early into the relationship so moving is not in our thoughts yet. We just need a temporary solution to make this easier to cope.

    • Yes, I read enough to understand that.
      Your reply may indicate that my suggestion is out of reach?
      In your place, I would a) set up a face-face LD communication date on a regular basis to get to know each other better, otherwise I might be fretting over something that should be considered moot (not worth it); b) I'd be meeting a LOT more people locally to satisfy my social needs, have more fun and quit being lonely.

What Girls Said 1

  • One of you is going to have to be willing to move

    • It's a bit early for either of us to quit the job and move.. This should be when we have been together at least 1-2 years. I need a solution for now. How can we make things easier to cope?