What is his deal? Guys help please!?

We agreed to be casual because he wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was. We were really good friends and it got complicated and It didn't work, so we ended it for a while but he started contacting me again. I was apathetic but responded and liked the attention. Eventually he was back in the area (from college) for spring break and I agreed to hang out. He came over and spent the night. We were up until 730am. We talked and went for a long drive and were off and on hooking up. We got drunk and he started telling me how he missed me every time he went back to school and would say it like it was inconvenient that he had interest in me. I kinda pushed him away and was like "if we are gonna be casual we shouldn't say stuff like that" and he got butthurt. We didn't have sex and he even said "we could just go to sleep now and I'd still say this night has been perfect." And he was telling me how gorgeous I am and stuff. The next day he randomly texted me to ask me about my day which he never does. A few days later I invited him over again and he was a little hesitant this time. We cuddled and watched movies and he kept saying he needed to leave soon but then wouldn't leave. He was started a new job in the morning and when he finally went to leave he kissed me and that led to sex and in the middle of it all, he said "you're distracting me from my responsibilities" which was weird. next day he sent me this long text about us needing to "work on being just friends if we are going to continue to talk and be cool" because he's not looking for a relationship and doesn't want casual. He kept saying it's not personal and that he'd rather have me in his life as a friend than not at all. So I agreed but then a few months later we got drunk and did it again and he told me "I told myself I wouldn't hook up with you tonight. But there's just no going back to the way it was is there? There's just something about you and something between us." But now he's ended it again. Wtf?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he wants to keep you for himself, possibly as a fallback, but also wants to have relationships with other people. If he says he doesn't want to be committed to you, take his words at face value and don't go out with him alone. That is, if he and a bunch of friends want to meet and hang out, that's probably fine. If he wants to meet you one-on-one, it has the chance of ending up like it did before.

    I think a lot of guys want to play the field, but some of them also want someone to fall back on, "just in case." Or maybe he's incapable of exclusive relationships, or afraid of commitment. Whatever his issue turns out to be, it's ultimately up to you to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with him. If you want an exclusive relationship and he can't offer that, forget about him. If he can't be just a friend, forget about him.

    Also, "you're distracting me from my responsibilities"? It's somehow your fault that he's continuing to have sex with you, that very minute? It takes two to tango.

    Good luck!


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What Guys Said 2

  • He sounds Bipolar, and to be honest, in his mind being happy and sad in short bursts might revolve around you. So he probably doesn't know what to think seeing as he is extremely indecisive. But is still looking to have a friendship/hooking up.
    All in all, I would just cut ties with him.
    -Hope this helps :)


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