She doesn't want to date right now, so she refuses to hang out?

Is this a good thing?

I met a girl online and we hit it off great. Due to depression and alcoholism and family stuff, she wants to be single while she continues to get professional help.

She does NOT want to hang out with me, because she just wants to be single while she gets help.

Now let me ask, is this a good thing? The way I see it, if she wanted to hang with me, i'd be friendzoned and her "buddy". also this MIGHT be suggesting if she hangs with me, she'll develop feelings, so she wants to hold back from that right now


  • good thing
    Vote A
  • bad thing
    Vote B
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I would like to mention, she has not OPENLY said she refuses to hang out. I am just assuming that because she is extremely flaky with wanting to meet up, even for only 5 minutes

I've met her once (she was drinking) but we had fun!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've actually been there! I was going through an extremely hard time and met the nicest guy. I liked him but I didn't want to get involved with anyone because I was healing and I knew it'd be unhealthy for both of us.

    But then again, I told him this. I flaked on other guys just because I wasn't interested lol.

    • so you flaked on that guy you liked too, and you werent interested in him too?

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    • although i did ask a question a week ago about this girl, with an example convo, asking if she's interested or not.

      because as i said she doesn't flirt back nor reject me, she'll just play along with the convo

      also in this situation the girl has mixed feelings about me, is that nececessarily a good thing? i would think a girl in her spot, who cannot date, would upfront tell me she doesn't want to date me if i wasn't bf material to her

    • No worries! Feel free to ask more anytime :)

      Yeah I did, but I just told him that I had feelings for him but I needed time. So I guess he just assumed that maybe we'd date in the future.

      Its hard to tell. Personally sometimes I play along with convos if I have no one else to talk to. Sometimes having depression makes you difficult to be around and if there is someone thats willing to be around a whole lot, then she's gonna take that opportunity, yknow?

      All I can say is that I made it very clear to this guy that I had feelings for him. If he asked about my feelings, I would've been okay to answer, I just didn't want to be pushed into dating him or anything.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • She wants to be in a good state when you guys meet, so obviously it is really important for her and I think you should respect that. When she starts to feel better, she should then try to meet up. But until then I wouldn't wait around because you don't know how long it will take.

    • Added update. thoughts?

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    • so after meeting me (due to alcohol) and having fun, is her refusing to meet me bad or good?

      i do recall, during the first hang out, i made a joke about she should kiss me. later the next day, she said she's feels awkward and uncomfortable with hanging with me because she doesn't want to develop feelings and get better.


    • I would say from what I hear its a good thing only because she has said that yes, she does want to meet up again. Maybe she gets more nervous about developing feelings because of her past and she doesn't want to move things too fast because she has been dealing with a lot and its too much for her right now. Give her time and support her. And just so you know, me being a girl, I don't like when a guy talks about kissing before we even have. I guess it makes me nervous? I don't know lol I would have just done it if I was you. but don't be too pushy with her, I say its a good thing that she's taking it slow. but be supportive of her and nice so she feels like you will help her through her hard time, and she will want to see you. maybe even sooner than when she gets better if she feels like you will help her be happy without alcohol.

  • It's not a good idea to be in a relationship while your seeking help. Let her seek help and be by her side if she needs anything that's if you like her. Let her have get treated first then ask her out

  • Any person who is recovering from an addiction is not supposed to be in any romantic relationship.. It usually unravels a lot of the work they have done to get better. If she is struggling with depression too then honestly I wouldn't get into a relationship with her.. I'm only saying this because she will come to depend on you and you might say that that is okay now but if you become her rock and she begins to feel better when she's with you she will begin to believe her happiness depends on you so if it doesn't work out it will send her spiraling right back to where she is now. I'm speaking from personal experience..

    • "It usually unravels a lot of the work they have done to get better" can you explain this?

      also im very supportive of her and help her out, so couldnt i be her BF AND help her out?

What Guys Said 2

  • Don't take it personally. When dealing with addiction, one of the things you are supposed to do is avoid new relationships because the treatment for addiction requires the patient's complete attention. It sounds like she is truly trying to recover. If you can wait, give her a lot of time and check back with her.

    If you can't wait, be prepared to move on because she's in her treatment for the long haul.

    • hey there :)

      "the treatment for addiction requires the patient's complete attention"

      what do you mean by this? i dont see why she couldnt date AND get help?

    • I haven't gone through treatment myself, but I know someone who has. She was supposed to avoid contact with her friends and not start dating because friends' behavior and the unknown behavior of a new love interest could have gotten her to repeat the same addictive behavior that was harmful to her in the first place. The therapist wanted her to overcome the physical part of her addiction and train herself to avoid temptation before introducing somebody new into the equation.

  • Let me give you a tip: NEVER believe anything people say online if you've yet to meet them in real life.

    She might well be suffering from depression, but she may not... it may be a blow off excuse... If I was you I'd talk to more girls.

    • I did meet her IRL... if you read the update section under the question... i specifically said that

    • Well... then it's up to you... if you want to spend X amount of time waiting for her to get through rehab, or whatever it is... then do it... otherwise go somewhere else.