Why can't I seem to develop that connection with women?

I've things happen to me in prior relationships that scarred me pretty badly, but I'd like to think that I've made good efforts to put those things behind me. I'm usually a pretty quiet and serious guy as well, but I've also tried and in many ways succeeded in being more fun and easy-going on dates or just meeting women. For some reason though, I still can't seem to get a woman to connect with me, even if I feel that there is something there. It's like they either try to force it or pretend it's there.

I never thought I'd be one to ask this, but is there something I'm doing wrong here? I feel like there is. Why do I have such trouble getting someone to connect with me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have the same problem with men... I rarely feel connected to my dates.

    I've also had a rough history. I'm starting to think that being emotionally stunted is my problem. I feel emotions, but I'm out of touch with them. My unconscious manner is to stay in control and secure, you know?

    I listened to this audiobook about how showing vulnerability (not begging for a crutch, but being open and real) actually makes people attractive to others. I always thought flawlessness was the answer, but I'm starting to think otherwise.

    Maybe try opening up a tiny bit at a time...

    • See, I did. I didn't tell her all my deepest darkest secrets at once. I mean, I told her that I hadn't dated much, that I've had difficult points in my life, etc., but didn't really get into specifics.

    • Her... That sounds like just one girl. Maybe she just wasn't for you?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe there is a particular type of girl you are going after and you maybe need to change that type? Try being more open-minded and keep working on yourself.

    It could be they sense there is something wrong and that turns them off. I'm not entirely sure what the issue is without having met you.

    Try to be positive! This is important, people can sense hesitation or past baggage from miles away. Try not to let that affect you. If you can, try getting help to deal with this and get friends to help as well. Maybe they can let you know of things you do that might turn people off?

    • Honestly, I don't think I let baggage or hesitation show. I think I was very careful about what I told her.

  • Maybe your trying to hard or maybe its the type of women your looking at. What do you mean they try to either force it or pretend its there?

    • They'll act into it, like they want it to go on, but then after a few weeks, "sorry, not feeling it. It's been like this for a few weeks".

    • Show All
    • Okay i read it and you didn't do anything bad. I think your just in the beginning stages of learning how to date and thats okay. You will get better and better the more you do it but what i read seems like you did fine. It really could be the type of girl or they get a certain vibe from you that you give off but you don't know it. Its hard to really tell what it is without knowing you. All I know is don't tell everything about you in the first date cuz u want to gradually to get to know one another. :)

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