Is it wrong for me to back off from physical affection?

My girlfriend and I have been going through quite a rough patch. Long story short we only dated a short amount of time before (due to other obligations) we were separate for a few months.

Now that we are back together we have been constantly fighting. We recently made a big breakthrough in dealing with our issues with a number of talks and compromises yet I still feel uncomfortable with physical affection (hand holding, kissing, hugging, sex est.)

Because our relationship is still rocky in my opinion it doesn;t feel right on my end to express affection in the fashion I listed. At least not until more time passes to prove to me that our talks and compromises have really stuck and the relationship becomes stable again.

As far as I'm concerned sex should be limited if not cut out completely and everything else should be at least limited until more time has passed.

It honestly makes me uncomfortable when she does try to show physical affection at this point but is my way of thinking unreasonable?


Most Helpful Girl

  • yes you are being reasonable. She might just be horny - it might not be a love issue for her that she wants to sleep with you.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm not sure why you feel this way. If you're fighting this much early on, the relationship isn't going to work. Affection is extremely important in a relationship and withholding it to get an upper hand or be superior is wrong. If you just feel uncomfortable but she wants affection, again this isn't the relationship for you. There are lots of people that don't like affection or are asexual. There are even websites dedicated to folks that don't feel comfortable with intimacy but still want a relationship. Please don't doom someone else to be unhappy because you can't give them what they need/ want in a relationship or because they can't understand why you don't feel comfortable. There are way more fish in the sea.

    • As I wrote in my question I do not feel comfortable giving affection when our relationship is still rocky. Me feeling this way is not to gain an upper hand or anything of the sort. I was perfectly comfortable and affectionate before we started having problems. It may be my fault for not making it clearer but I think you may have misunderstood a large part of my question.

    • Even if a relationship isn't going well there's still usually some affection. It helps to smooth over conflict. However, that can also be a major trap in relationships. Intimacy sometimes is the only thing people have in common in a relationship and that's not good either.
      Hand holding, hugging, and basic friendly gestures shouldn't be withheld. I agree that sex should be off the table until things improve - not because you're trying to withhold it but because it doesn't add value to the actual relationship and makes things more complicated.

What Guys Said 1

  • Nope, I think that is a splendid idea.