I really need some help... Why do these women use online dating? Is it just for an ego boost? Are they just attention whores?

I've been using online dating for a while and can't find any woman that will go on a date with me. None at all.

I've messaged around 100 of them, about 20 of them replied. Of those 20, 10 stopped messaging me after 1-3 messages.

The other 10 I spoke to for a while, then asked them to give me their number so we could arrange to meet up. 5 either stopped replying or declined. The other 5 said yes and gave me their numbers. Sounds great right?

Except they have no intention of meeting me. All of them claim to be busy on every day I suggest.

Is it all just about attention and ego boosting? I really don't see why anyone looking for a date would behave this way.

ALSO.. Before you all start saying its because of me and that I'm ugly/weird/boring/whatever, even if you are right, why do they pretend to want to meet up? Why not just ignore my messages or reject me like the other girls who think I'm ugly/weird/boring/whatever?

Even though I am ugly ( s1285.photobucket.com/.../ASOIAF?sort=3&page=1 ) and pretty much the opposite of what women like in behaviour, I don't see why its so hard to find someone, I'm not exactly aiming high, most of the women I message are overweight/ugly themselves.

Anyone else want to tell me its my fault when women lie to me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you're not ugly maybe you're asking women to meet up too quickly? A lot of women want to get to know someone and match personalities first, texting is another way to chat and get to know you so they might have given you their numbers thinking the date thing was just a line so you could contact them more or they didn't think you meant you wanted to arrange a date right away but maybe in the future. Ask them to pick a day they're comfortable with at a public location and meet them there don't ask to pick her up or drive her home, it only takes one creep to k ow where you live that won't stop harassing you (not saying you would but how would she know? It'd make her feel uneasy and more likely to cancel the date)

    • This is possible. I don't really feel like spending weeks talking to a girl to get the same problem though. I think I'd probably top myself if that happened.

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    • The people I know with the best luck online dating... ask to meet immediately.

    • I've been asking within around 10 messages.

      The problem is with your thinking around half the women who reply, stop replying within those 10 messages. If I extend it to 20, I'll probably be left talking to myself.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • You may have won the genetic lottery... you are male... life is good for you... except in dating. Maybe its because you are short. Maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe those women get so much mail and its just too overwhelming. Yes, some women seek attention. I noticed 3 women your photos, can't you dated one of them? If not you must know other women.

    • I'm 5'10.

      One is my ex, one thinks I'm ugly and the other is taken and I barely even know her. I don't know any other women close to my age.

    • Thats tall depending on who you ask. But whats weird and I dont even get it, is that women who are under 5'6" still think you would be too short. Too many women are upsest with a guys height. But then again some men prefer short women.

    • How have I won the genetic lottery if the opposite sex thinks I'm so repulsive they can't even stomach going for a few drinks with me?

  • This is why I don't use dating websites. Never have and never will. You can never be sure of what will happen on a website. Although, to be fair, the same applies to real life as well. But the difference is, you can physically meet face to face and actually interact personally with the opposite sex or your crush/date.

    By the way, you are nowhere near as ugly as you think.

    • Obviously I am, else I wouldn't be on online dating in the first place, and if somehow I did end up there I'd certainly be having much more success with it.

    • At least with a dating website the intentions are clear. Where in real life you have a much smaller population to go through and different age groups, some are married, some are taken, others are not looking and some are simply not attracted to you. Dating websites try to make things easier in a rather hectic and unsociable hostile urban climate.

    • Intentions are not clear at all on dating sites. In fact my question is evidence of this.

  • Sometimes some people don't like to let people down. I'm guilty of this sometimes. I get scared that I might come across as a bitch, but I'm working on being more honest.

    • Surely you see that misleading people is really unfair?

      How would you like it if a guy you liked pretended he wanted a relationship, led you on, got what he wanted, then never spoke to you again? Is it okay if he "didn't want to let you down"?

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    • No, he wouldn't owe me a relationship. It might hurt but he truthfully doesn't.

    • Lmfao. What is that has upset you in that situation then?

  • find someone local tbh i was stuck in the same situation as you.. and this is coming from a girl! the fags who wanted to meet actually were sexually frustrated and they would just jump the gun and want to talk dirty and sleep! just find someone normal and local! hate the online shit! most people dont even have personalities! and you are not ugly! def i would date you if i could! lol

    • How? If I could meet women who were interested in real life I wouldn't have joined the site.

    • maybe like go to coffee shops.. malls? me and single friends also think the same thing.. most of them use dating sites.. still no luck.. and even when we go out we are like fine if we do find guys how are we gonna approach them! i guess we are in the same boat as you are... but we do expect you to approach us! so just do it;)

    • Except they DON'T think the same thing because they are NOT in the same position. Refusing to date all the people who message you isn't the same as none of the people you message wanting to meet you. One is a choice you are making, the other is not.

  • I met boyfriend through online dating, and we actually discussed how it was for each of us. It's a lot different for girls on there than for guys - guys can send out tons of messages and get no replies, while women get 20 messages a day and decide not to reply to them. lol Women are more picky I think than men are and yea - it is nerve wracking to get out there and meet up with someone. I'm sorry you haven't had any luck, but it does take some time. I went on about 5-6 dates within a few months, and then just left my account open but never really talked to anyone, just looked around waiting for someone to interest me. Then my now current boyfriend sent me a message and I decided a week later to respond to him and guess what? It's been 7 months now and things are great. Eventually someone will meet you, don't stress over it!

    • How does you finally choosing from one of the hundreds of men who message you prove that someone will meet me? As you said its completely different for men and women on online dating.

      I can't send 20 messages a day for months as I'll soon run out of women to message in my area.

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    • Who knows! They are chickening out, or they ended up going a date before they met you and decided to try it out with that guy? We're women, we're indecisive, we don't even understand ourselves sometimes!

    • That's a complete cop out.

      If I ever get a girlfriend again I'll cheat on her and say its okay because I'm a man and that is what we do.

  • Maybe they just lose courage, when it becomes real? I mean, writing someone is easy, but actually meeting them can be scary.

    • Meeting a person in a public place in broad daylight is not in any way scary.

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    • How is that scary?

      Even if it was they are still being disingenuous. If they are too scared to date anyone, they shouldn't be on a dating site.

    • Im not trying to defend them, Im just trying to give you a reason for why they would stop responding.
      I have never online dated, but I have hesitated on meeting someone from the internet. Because what if I don't know what to say? What if he doesn't think I pretty? What if he doesn't like me or find me boring? All kinds of reasons.

What Guys Said 6

  • Why you aren't getting dates?

    Your looks have nothing to do with it.

    From the responses here. You are negative about yourself (low self esteem).
    You talk about cheating if you get a girlfriend.
    You're angry.
    You give off a bad aura. This can be sensed even in your writing

    I don't know what age group you are attracting. But a lot of younger women (late teens early 20's) when they start conversing, things are fine. They may have had no desire to meet you in the first place. But talking is not a big deal. But they don't know how to say they aren't interested. They will give their phone # but don't think you will actually use it. When you call or text for a date they will agree as they are feeling guilty. Because they are thinking they lead you on and they don't know how to get out of this. Without hurting your feelings.
    When it gets close to date time they will make up an excuse why they can't make. Then "we'll have to find another day. I'm tied up for a bit. I'll let you know." ANOTHER day is not one of the seven days on a calendar. Therefore doesn't arrive.
    They might agree to meet but never show up. Why? Because they don't know how to get out of it. It's easier to avoid the situation than deal with it.
    Is misleading you right? Absolutely not. But it's their insecurities that lead to this.

    You are getting replies from women. Relax it will happen. You will meet people. There's no guarantee it will lead to anything, though

    Like I said. Relax.

    • And the women I message online have all seen my responses here? No, of course they haven't. However they do see my pictures.

      Maybe I should call them out on it then. They do need to learn that lying to people isn't okay.

    • I'm never said the women saw your answers here. But your low-self esteem is coming through in abundance. And I'm will to bet that it's coming through on the dating site as well.

      What do you think calling them out will accomplish. You're already in the past to them. Do you think they will actually give a f*ck?

      We don't mind trying to help with your situation. But if you're going to ask for help. Then don't be sarcastic and argumentative with everyone.

      If that's what you are going to do, then go sit somewhere and be miserable at your self.

    • You didn't give me any help...

      And calling them out on it will perhaps prevent them doing it to someone else.

  • Online dating sucks. Go meet women in real life. It's way easier.

    • Not when you don't even have any friends. I have no means to meet women.

    • You don't need friends to approach a random girl you don't know.

    • I met my girlfriend when I was by myself at a concert.

  • They are just not interested. Don't be discouraged. It took me more than three years before I found someone.

    • 3 years? Holy hell. I'm really discouraged after about a week of this.

      How did you manage to survive that long on there?

    • Also why don't they just say they aren't interested? Or even just stop replying? I don't get it at all.

    • Gaming and sports is how I take my mind off it. Plus I did a lot of self improvement from the time I started to when I met my gf. Lost 30 pounds, became more open minded, volunteered a bit more, learned another language, learned to control my anger and frustration, and found a better paying job. Basically I grew up a lot. The guy I was three years ago wasn't bad but I wouldn't want my sister to date a guy like that because I know she could do better. As you are searching evolve into your best self.

  • I have toyed with these sites for 3 years. I have not met one woman on them. I did make a few "chat buddies", but that is about it. I have a far better chance of meeting someone at a restaurant or the grocery store than online.

    I think how one dimensional it all is plays a big role. They judge you based on your picture. In the real world they judge you on first impression, the way you look, handle yourself, and your personality. That stuff gets lost in online dating and I know for a fact the odds of interest would be higher had they had those other factors at play.

    • So its because I'm not good enough looking?

      I still don't get why that's okay for them to lie to me.

    • Looks are part of it. Not good enough looking? Well guess what? Most women on these sites get tons of messages from men, decent looking men. While most are just out to play games, the fact is they are your competition when all these women have to go by is a picture. Sad but true.

      Also, what sort of women are you contacting? Try contacting some that are just on the edge of being what you consider being ugly and attractive and see if things improve. If you are contacting attractive women, you have lots of competition. They get contacted by dozens of guys a day.

    • I've mostly been contacting women who are towards the bottom of the pile.

      Basically my only standard is no single mums.

  • Dude. You ain't ugly. You look like the guy who played The Master on Doctor Who. That's a plus. Unless you also act like him.

  • There are around 3 times more men than women on those site, basically if you're not every attractive don't even bother. Usually girls that use those sites are uglier than average and have some mental problems too.

    If you don't believe me, look at how many men are online in your area and then see how many women are online in your area.

    • This is very true.

      This is also why I think they are there for attention. If they wanted a relationship they'd be able to get one within a week, even if they are unattractive, simply because of the amount of single men on there.

    • They are very picky and love the attention they get, but trust me, if you make a fake profile with a believable male model picture almost all of them will be eager to talk to you, flirt with you, embarass themselves for you, it's just shallowness, the only thing that count is how good you look (muscles+ tattoes and tan help a lot), how much money you make and if you're popular.

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