Wtf is wrong with my BF? Thoughts please?

So my ex BF and I have been trying to give it a second chance the past two weeks but are hanging out more as friends to start off. We went to a party and he saw a lot of guys hitting on me (a lot of them much younger than him) and some of them made comments to him about me. I did NOT give out my number nor did I flirt back, I made sure that he saw that. He was weird at the end of the night and the next day he cxld our plans for Sat night with an excuse. When I tried to reschedule, he said he'd get back to me and has been acting like a pompous d***head! Uhhh... wtf?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're not just friends. At all. But you're not officially back together, so it's a sensitive time. Yeah, he didn't handle things well, but put things in perspective and cut him a little slack. It's not like he went off on you in some jealous rage -- it's that you two aren't back together and he got to see, right in front of him, what kind of options you have coming right at you. Too difficult to deal with.

    Pretend he's a real hot guy, and you two go to a party and all these younger, prettier girls than you come up hitting on him. Hey, he doesn't directly flirt back and makes sure you know he didn't get any of their #s -- but he lets the hotties mingle with him and enjoys it. All the while you want to get back with him and are frustrated about this "gray zone". You're not back together -- if he wasn't out with you tonight, he would have gotten with another one of those girls and wouldn't be breaking any rules.

    He has feelings for you. If I was him, I would have said "Hey, listen... the whole 'take things slow' by pretending to be just friends -- isn't going to cut it. We don't have to be spending every day & night together making things serious or anything -- but are we back together officially -- yay or nay? Can't have this limbo."

    I think you need to think about that concept and express your feelings (don't fight), while telling him you understand how even without you directly flirting back or getting #s it'd make him feel uncomfortable as it would you... and that you'd like to be officially back together to cut through the hazy gray zone that's just going to make things more complicated.

    • I explained it to him and told him all that - that I was not interested in other men and that I really want to make our relationship work. I said that being friends doesn't work obviously, so we should forget that idea. I also said that if he thinks it's too premature to try to patch things up (we've only been broken up for a month) and that if he wanted to reneg on it for now, I would be very sad but would respect that. That was all through email as he didn't return my call. He didn't respond. I sent him a second email suggesting we go to a concert next weekend because I know he likes that band plus I really want to see him. His response was "Ok let's touch base when I get back from my business trip on Thursday. Take care!". I don't know what to think...

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    • That's good you asked to ditch the idea of just-friends role-playing. :) He obviously wasn't a fan of that. Sound like your email was good.

      I think he's trying to create a distance (just for now?). It may have struck a chord with him to make him think "I'm too much into her, she's going to get guy-attention, I need to chase other girls, move on, etc." Who knows?

      Realize that unless you *blatantly* Brush Off guys coming up to you & flirting with you, your guy isn't going to like it if there's any question in the relationship or if you're in some limbo-situation like you have been with him. Just not flirting back or giving out your # isn't sufficient. I wasn't there, so I can't have a good feel for how he feels.

      I would email him again and say "Okay, that sounds great. We can touch base about the concert after you get back. But, did you get my 1st email though? I want to get that out of the way, as it's kinda important."

    • Wow, thanks for that awesome advice! So helpful. I understand that although I didn't flirt back, it's not going to be pleasant for any guy to have to witness, nor would I like it if the reverse happened. But the one factor that I didn't mention is that he was the one who broke up with me and he did it in a very cruel way. I reluctantly decided to give it another shot after he was bombarding me with emails, so I was still in the process of healing from being dumped so harshly. So now this happens and he is acting like a douche, being very hurtful once again. I am just getting over the original break up! As you said, he is not handling this correctly and if he had any compassion or a brain in his head, he would be handling this more sensitively and in a much kinder way considering how he previously treated me. So maybe this is a red flag for ME that this guy is going to continue to hurt me and I should keep him as my ex and move on!

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What Guys Said 2

  • He is an ex. They are exes for a reason. He clearly has issues. Regardless of what you did or didn't do, he has jealousy issues and probably trust issues. It doesn't sound like a reconciliation is in the cards. An open honest mature conversation is needed if you are to move forward with him, and it doesn't sound like he is going to give you that. You can try.
    Don't waste more time investing into a relationship that was broken to start with. Nothing was resolved before, so these are probably just re hashes of the same old issues.
    Why try and be with someone that makes feel confused and unhappy?

  • He didn't know that you turned them down. But he doesn't want to bring it up. You do. You have to tell him about that night. Whether he believes you when you tell him is up to him.

    • I told him and he ignored me ( told him through email as he wouldn't return my call). He finally responded with "Ok let's touch base on Thurs when I'm back from my business trip. Take care!". Don't know what he's thinking, it was a very offhanded reply. Honestly, I don't deserve this - I did nothing wrong, it's his issue

    • It's bad to try and get with ex's anyway..

    • I wouldn't say completely that you did nothing wrong -- in the loose sense of the word. You may have played by the 'rules' of your situation 100% fine -- but that doesn't mean another person won't have the right to be upset about something. One's going to look after their own feelings first.

      There was nothing "wrong" with you not blatantly batting guys away from you who were flirting, leaving the impression at the party "yeah, she's taken and doesn't like getting macked on". Hey, you weren't taken. Fair enough!

      But just not giving out your # or directly flirting back (absorbing it contently by the way is passively flirting in some ways; I wasn't there though) isn't going to leave your bf/ex-bf happy about it, is all I'm saying.

      He's not handling things in the right way, though! He's too wound up about it and is probably trying to avoid conflict and is re-processing things.

What Girls Said 1

  • The guy is just jealous, he can't get over you. He is just trying to pretend that all is well and yet he is pretty annoyed by the fact that people are flirting with what is "his" some guys have this weird kind of complex.

    • So immature! Should I explain that I am not interested in dating anyone else or should I just ignore him?

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    • I wouldn't rush to just ignore him. I think he's being a bit too immature because OF playing a game you two decided on -- being in limbo. That's a real unnecessary game to play. You either get back together or not. You can still take things somewhat slow but officially being back together.

      The limbo, gray-zone phase of pretending to be friends where there's no clear rules about you two -- that's a game that doesn't work very well.

    • Actually, I had been in this sort of relationship and the guy turned out to be over possessive freak. Who tried to stab me, nothing much.

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