Confused. Why do we act like we are dating when he doesn't seem to want to date?

He says he likes me.

He says he doesn't want to see anyone else.

We hang out like friends and have these deep conversations all the time.

We had sex once... but not since... because I told him I didn't want to do that without commitment. And he understood.

We occasionally make out and sometimes spend the night together, but most of the times we are together we just talk and chill.

We do all this stuff and enjoy each others company.

BUT... he doesn't seem to want to be in a relationship? Anyone know some reasons as to why this would be? Do you think he will ever change his mind? What should I do? I love being with him and don't want to ruin something good... but if he doesn't want a relationship, am I just wasting my time?


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  • Minus the sex, which you guys did do once, he's getting all of the benefits of a relationship anyway. Why would he tie himself down in a commitment when he can get all of the perks and still be, technically, a "free agent." I get that you enjoy each other's company, and it seems like just a friend thing where you're not crossing the line too often. But I speak from experience.

    I became good friends with a guy I really liked. We had messed around a couple of times. But, like you, I told him I needed commitment for that and he understood. So we stopped. But I would still hang out with him all the time and stay the night sometimes. He wasn't seeing anyone else. But 7 months later, to my surprise, he still didn't want a relationship with me.

    It was then that I realized that he hadn't really spent a dime to take me out. Hadn't pursued me at all in a romantic relationship sort of way. He had made himself very clear from day one that he didn't want anything serious. If I had listened, and decided to never stay the night, mess around, hang out with him constantly, he might have changed his mind about me. But I made it too easy on him. So I quickly switched to friend card. I would only hang out with him occasionally. For very short periods of time. During the day. No sleepovers. No messing around. He always had to call and invite me to do something. I stopped calling/texting him first altogether. Now he wants a relationship. Ironic.

    • Hmmm thanks for your answer. I kind of realized this on my own, and about a month ago, I stopped calling him and pretty much stopped contacting him all together. it was really hard to 'restrain' myself. and after a few weeks he started contacting me and really wanting to hang.

      So now I'm still not really sure what should I do? Do I just stop hanging out with him all together? Or just hang out every now and then?

    • I would say every now and then is ok. Just cut waaay back. And make sure you're not staying the night or messing around. Even making out. He gets no perks if he doesn't wanna date you.