How do I know if a girl is serious about a relationship?

We don't contact each other often. Sometimes my attempts to initiate conversation fall flat. But other times the conversation just takes off like a rocket and doesn't stop.

Sometimes she's not free to go out, and says that another time would be better. I wait until the very last minute when she finally gets back and asks if tomorrow is fine, or when I get too anxious and asks her for a definite day so that i can properly plan.

There was once, I said I'm a bit confused and don't know what to feel (about the fact that we're going out in general), she said she didn't know what we are doing either.

What I wanted to know is if she's interested in something more. Her response keeps varying from being lukewarm to being really excited and interested. We're not yet dating, and I'm not ready to commit if she's not. We're definitely more than just friends, but yet there's this ambiguous gap between us and it's difficult for us to discuss where we stand without getting all meta and vague and weird.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in this exact situation with a guy, and have been before.
    It's because it's going nowhere. Don't know what it is, like you can like each other and stuff but for some reason it just never goes forward and then you both just move on or something. Sometimes, like a few months after or even like a year, the people that happened with still sometimes randomly call me to try this whole thing again, and again we like each other, but nothing happens.
    Any talking we tried to do to discuss it was just really weird to.
    One guy, it did move forward with in the end, but it took forever to happen, and some really weird conversations, but it did end up being a long term relationship.
    I dunno, I think it's almost like you both like each other but both friend zone each other at the same time. Just weird.

    • ^THIS.

      You have just perfectly described what I went through. We were really hot for a month or so. Then we sort of drifted away for a few months, then back again. Everytime we drifted back it seems to get better, but it's like it doesn't work and I can't reach her, so we drift again.

      Yes it's totally like a partial friendzone. I guess I'm really just not that good in their eyes, or they just weren't ready. So I just keep waiting and trying... And it's not just with this one relationship that I get this vagueness. Seems to happens a lot. :/

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    • Icic. I may have missed my chance then. I always believed that the bond formed from a friendship is tighter than one bound by coincidental romance, because there's a lot more than just plain attraction going on. But I guess it might not have worked.

      Yea I can emphatise that being liked for your looks isn't quite flattering. Personality definitely shines more than looks, and that's what I'm looking for. But it's definitely more advantageous to be looking good than not. :/

      I'm still not totally convinced that confessing at the start is the more effective option, it's a pretty vulnerable position to be in. But I haven't really tried it out so I'll give it a chance. Thanks so much for your advice. It's been really helpful so far!

    • I agree with you about that, I always prefer a relationship to start from friendship. But just sometimes, if he doesn't say it early on, you just start seeing him as a friend and nothing else, even when you still like him, sometimes it's hard to move on from that stage.
      And I know it makes you feel vulnerable to say things at the start, but most things guys are expected to start relationships are, like approaching a girl, asking for numbers etc... I do feel kinda sorry for you guys lol.
      Some guys that do the friendship thing at the beginning, still flirt throughout the friendship and pay her compliments. That can let a girl know you're definite interested but are taking it slowly to make sure it's right.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Cosi fan tutte~!! Ladies are like that! They're pretty fickle. They raise your hopes and they make you dissappointed. Why? To keep your attention. If they do that, you can rest assured. She's at least a bit interested in you, or else she won't waste her time trying to keep the attention of someone she doesn't like.

    • That's annoying though. I already sort of hinted to her that I won't know how to respond if she doesn't respond. And not being near the top of her priority list certainly isn't helping. :(

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    • A lot. But now, not so much. I'm pretty burnt out emotionally.

    • Now I want to cry! :(( You should try talking to her seriously and if she avoids you again, I'm sure she is toying with you :(( So you could try finding someone else...

  • She sounds like she likes you but is not ready to commit.

    • I wonder if I should be really proactive and insistent in asking her out and starting conversations with her, you know, to push things along. Or would it be better to continue as it is, and let time do the job?

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