Trust issues and insecurities in a relationship?

My boyfriend and I have known each other for two years now and have dated for the last eight months.

I have problems trusting him, and it's extremely frustrating. I bought his iPad from him, and he left his Facebook logged in. I know I invaded his privacy, and that gives him reason not to trust ME, but I found out he was secretly dating a girl and cheating on her by hooking up with me and seeing me behind her back. This is months before we started dating.

Now we live together. We talk about the future. We talk about getting married and having kids. He constantly shows me affection, and he hasn't given me reason to believe he has been cheating on me. He evens shows me his texts and direct messages on social networks. But I can't shake the thought of "once a cheater, always a cheater," and my distrust in him is creating problems. I'm always questioning where he's going, who he's going to be with, and any female that he makes contact with fills me with jealousy.

He denies ever having a relationship with the other girl. They don't even speak to each other anymore, and according to Facebook she's in a relationship with another guy, and they were dating before we started dating.

Am I the one who's to blame for being jealous and possessive? Or are my suspicions warranted?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly no relationship will stand if it was build on lies and deceit. He lied to the girl he was with while hooking up with you. Never said anything to you about it? or did you know you were the other woman.

    the issue here is that you either bite the bullet and say hey I know you did what you did, or you STFU and go with it. If you tell him you went through his FB you look like a jerk, if you tell him you have trust issues because of his actions that you found out by going through his FB you still look like a jerk, you were worried to begin with when you went through his FB to begin with. So now either you follow through, or you tear down your relationship being a possessive paranoid weirdo. If you suddenly become possessive and everything he is going to know something is up.

    So you need to get over it, or come clean.

    • I knew I was the other woman, but I went along with it so he wouldn't know I went through his Facebook... I probably seem like scum for continuing it even after finding out, but I had such strong feelings for the guy, I didn't want to lose him even as a friend.

      Thanks for the reality check. Coming clean is probably the best solution, despite the reaction it may cause.

    • If you are going to continue this with him its better to tell him than say for him to find out. Plus it will give you piece of mind. Otherwise you are going to drive yourself mad going as you are. When something like this gets in the mix it taints the whole thing. Problem is you have his and your beginnings as a standard. Good luck

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Citing reasons posted by the others, your insecurity is justifiable. Your apprehensiveness is warranted. He deceived you. Nevertheless, the more you concentrate and dwell on his deception, and the more you try to prevent him from cheating on you, the more you will distrust him.

    Forgive the guy and move forward. Or, you may greatly damage your relationship and perhaps your self-esteem.


What Girls Said 1

  • Your suspicions are definitely warranted. He lied to you.
    When somebody we love lies to us, even about smaller things than that, it's hard to trust them.
    He's just going to have to be patient while he tries to build up your trust again.
    Only thing is "He denies ever having a relationship with the other girl" he's still lying till today.
    His is a case of once a liar, always a liar.
    Not necessarily going to cheat on you though.