My fiance doesn't know if he wants to be with me?

i'm a very recently out ftm transgender, and my fiance told me he might not want to be with me because of it. He seems really sad whenever he brings it up an lately he's actually been a jerk, purposely referring to me with female nicknames and pronouns. I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm guessing this problem happened after you told him you were transgender. I really wish there was more advice for this but it sounds like a difficult issue with not much you can really do since it's really about his views about you being transgender I feel.

    If I found out a girl I was dating was transgender, I would probably freak out. Not going to lie. I probably wouldn't express it outright but in my mind I wouldn't really know what to do.

    This is probably a terrible analogy, but imagine you meet someone online. They seem perfect. They look great in their pictures and the two of you get along great. Unfortunately they live across the globe so you can never meet them in person and are only able to message them. But that's enough, because you're happy communicating with them in any way possible. After a few years, you know you're in love with them. But one day you find out they're not real. You find out that a computer has been generating responses to whatever you say.

    I imagine that's what it must feel like for him. Maybe not quite that extreme but nonetheless he feels that you're not the person he thought you were and the way he views you has been permanently changed. It's not really something in your control as it's something he sort of has to deal with on his own. He has to learn to love this new you even though you're the same person you always were.

    Sorry this is sort of out of my expertise as I've never encountered a problem like that in my life but hopefully this will give you a new way to look at it so that you can come up with the best plan of action. Goodluck my friend!


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What Girls Said 3

  • It was wrong for you to tell him this so late in the relationship, after the engagement. Its like you were tricking him by omission. Sorry for you though. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't accept you anyways.

  • This just sounds like my friend Kai who recently came out to being trans. But honestly you may feel like a guy on the inside but maybe you're just in a phase of getting in touch with your tomboy side. I bet you didn't even ask your fiance what he thought about it first. But if he doesn't want to be gay that's his choice.

  • not really anything we can help with, sorry...
    all i can do is wish you the best and say that if he isn't ok with who you are then maybe you really weren't me to be :)


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