Why are some people tell you that you're not they're usual type but they'd date you?

So I was hanging out with this guy I USED TO like. We started talking about relationships, randomly, and he started talking about his usual type. He literally went on and on about how he loves blues eyes and girls. I have dark brown ones. He went on about how I'm the "prettiest black girl he knows. " And how he would date me because I don't act like a stereotype. I just ignored him and started talking about something else.

I do think his interest is/was genuine because of how's he has acted towards me over the last few years. However, that had really just turned me off.

Why do people mention stuff like when trying to or while dating someone? I met other guys like this. They might not have had a racial type , but theirs were breast size, height, etc.

And its not just mentioning it once, but numerous times and even comparing me to their exes when it comes to physical features. Not every guy I've met is like this but only a few.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone has a "type" they are inexplicably attracted to. If someone says you aren't they're usual type, but would date you anyways, it's probably because you have shown them something about you that piques their curiosity about you.

    My type is brunettes with glasses. However, I have dated women who were blonde, or didn't have glasses, and enjoyed myself simply because they were able to show me up front they were intriguing possibilities for me, because they were pretty, or had a great personality, or amused me, or had similar interests.

    • I can understand that but it still makes me feel bad when it is constantly mentioned by them :/

    • Sure. It makes you feel like either he is so desperate, or he is settling for you for now, and you feel like you are going to easily replaced when "Hus type" comes around.

      It is a strange statement, because the one who says it probably means it as a high compliment, but the one who hears it can't hear what it is intended to be, because it sounds demeaning.

    • "Easily replaced when 'his type' comes around," that's exactly why it bothers me. Your entire answer and comment hits it right on the nail for me. Have you ever been on the receiving end of any of this?

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What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe you are not his normal type. Maybe he is a little nervous about crossing the "color boundary" and doesn't know what to do. I am white myself and have a thing for brunettes with shiny hair, but my latest fling is with a black woman who I like very much. She is educated, intelligent, has a great job and is beyond super-attractive. Yet because of social conditioning, stereotyping and all the rest, I know people stare at us... "after all a white guy with a black woman.." or take a second look if I kiss her in public. It is in my mind.

    As for his comments... "prettiest black girl..." and "don't act like a stereotype" ... I think those comments do ring of some bias and are out-of-line. You need to talk to him about it.

    • I don't talk to him anyone. Even though I never mentioned, but its not the first time he's brought this up. The first time was 2 years ago, which was one of the reasons I stopped talking to him. I kinda blew up, from bottling in some stuff he did that i didn't, like acting different around others. I

      I know I should have said approached it differently, but I'm working on my problem of not immediately addressing things. He just told me that he didn't know what to say. So its been two years since we just actually sat down and started talking again. He brings up this stuff again. So I just don't even bother with him anymore. Not solely for this, but for other reasons too.

  • A lot of people are racist without even knowing it - they're not always 'bad' ppl. I think that in your case you proved his subconscious stereotype or prejudice wrong (that all blue eyed girls are like this and all black girls are like that).

    He just did not realise that, basically, for you, this is too much information. I imagine you are just you and it is not an act or you do not think 'I will not act like a stereotype deliberately'. He did not know that because, probably, he has not met enough black ppl, blue eyed people whatever.

    It's basically thinking aloud - a suppose girls do it sometimes when they say 'what I like about you is that... you pay for me, you stand up to me...' all kinds of strange crap, lol. Maybe girls get this worse though, I don't know...

    • See the thing is, he's mixed race (black and white). Most of his of friends ( that I've met) are black. Most, if not all of girls he talks to have blue eyes. He even talked about having blue eyed babies. So why he is attracted to me confuses.

      But yeah , Lol I don't know which gender does it more. I've heard some girls do the same thing. I don't because I feel that it would kinda make the gut feel bad because they don't meet the superficial requirements on my invisible list. Then again, I don't have a physical "type."

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    • Well I'm really sorry to hear, but its seems like you're not going to allow this to keep you. When you say black and white terms, do you mean as in no gray areas or racially?

    • No grey areas, then I realised it could be interpreted as racial, lol. But in the case of my ex specifically, I meant no compromises - you're right or wrong etc...

      Well, everyone says - 'time heals, you'll get over it, blah blah...' but really I just find everything energising, including the pain. As soon as I realise I am in the right and I did my best, then I just move forward. ( I think I know/attract a lot of narcs and idiots - probably my own fault). But I have split up A LOT of times with different girls, I think.

      This last one was saying hurtful things all along, and I was kind of counting them up. But there was a contradiction - I both loved her and (I wouldn't say 'hate') disliked her. So now I still feel the same but have not seen her in a while... don't want to flip out on her if I do.

      Anyway, sorry, this is all over the place and it is your post!

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