Do guys who aren't over their ex feel guilty when they start to have feelings for someone new?

His long-term relationship ended 10 months ago, We have had several dates and are developing feelings for each other. Every once in a while, I feel he is pulling away. He gives the impression that he is feeling guilty. I can see it in his body language and facial expressions, too. He gets quiet and almost sullen. Then a while later he'll seem fine, but the pattern repeats itself every date or so. He told me the break up was painful, and very rarely mentions her, but when he does he chokes up. What should I do? Can I help him over this or should I let go?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Are you more or less attractive than his long term ex? Him pulling away could be signs that he feels he settled for you and wishes he had someone better, but accepts what he has. I did not mean to offend you, I was simply stimulating thoughts that could be on his mind.

    • This pulling away does not seem like dissatisfaction. It is more like sadness bordering on depression. I feel for him, I really do. As for your theory, I have no idea if I am more or less attractive than his ex. No offense taken, though I'm not sure I agree with your theory. ;)

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    • Nothing dramatic has happened, and the sex is great. We have a lovely connection intellectually and emotionally.

    • Then I'm going back to my old theory. Settling down can also lead to depression, sadness in some sensitive men. For you to disapprove my theory, you would have to find out what his long term ex looked like and stuff they may have did. He could possibly be missing a certain experience. Again I meet not offense to you. I've been in a similar situation. I was rejected by a girl I liked because I was not mixed or white, she wanted an interracial baby. While in my feelings of sadness, I hit up a girl I knew had a crush on me. While I was with this girl, I felt happy for a bit and then sad. She wasn't like the girl who rejected me. She had an annoying personality. She wasn't has cute. Her lips were too fucking cold to kiss. I felt unhappy and wanted to leave her.

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What Guys Said 3

  • At your age you should know that it is on an individual basis, for women and men, we all don't fit into a box that can be easily categorized and neatly filed away for later reference.

    Of course many men will have trouble "having feelings" for someone new... especially if they "aren't over" their ex. If they initiated the break up over something besides infidelity and especially if kids are involved, I suppose most men would feel a little guilty, something would be wrong if they didn't, but something would be wrong with them that would need addressed and help if they didn't get over the guilt as well. Own your choices ladies and gents, own it.

    • I'm not sure what my age has to do with this, frankly. Everyone's experiences influence if and what they learn at what stage of their lives. And I was just wondering if there was a common trend, as is the case in many situations we face. Ouch. But thanks for taking the time to answer.

  • I'm going through this now. Recently I had sex with another girl and immediately afterwards I felt a bit of guilt about the situation. But, I also felt happy that I did it. Mix reaction is the only thing I can call it.

    • Thanks. This feels right. Thanks for showing me a balanced viewpoint.

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