I'd hate for this to turn into those 'am I likable' 'would you date me' kinda of questions, but I really have to know. After three years of being turned down and laughed at when I ask guys out, using the internet and apps and getting no messages, and just floating around almost unnoticed by anyone, I just want to know what's going on.
I know being vague is going to make this a little difficult to answer, but like I said I'm not really fishing. Plus in my own head I feel like I'm quite datable. I've heard a number of people say that I have a lot more good qualities than I let people believe I have, I just wait for a good enough situation to bring them out. Like I've heard it said that I'm really empathetic and protective and kind and if someone needs that person to talk to I'm a good choice for it; and these are all things I never notice until it comes up so I often get told later that I am these things and more. And I'd like to believe I was a good girlfriend, because I know for sure I wasn't a bad one. But I just cannot even find a guy who would give me just enough time of day to even talk to me and figure out who I am. I'm a personality kind of person so maybe that's why they dont like me much; that is to said id rather spend months getting to know you before we went out vs making out when you want me to and we make it a thing later when we can finally breathe. I don't know. I just want one guy. One that's actually willing to figure me out enough to see I'm not so bad, but anytime I ask them out they laugh at me (I stopped after two guys because of that so now I don't do the asking anymore). I just don't want to be alone. I know it sounds lame, but I literally have so much love I want to give a person and can't, that it's physically starting to hurt.
i don't wear makeup often. i usually do only if i'm that bored one day or i'm going somewhere dressy.
Most Helpful Guy
I want to call attention to this statement: "id rather spend months getting to know you before we went out vs making out when you want me to". There is a false dichotomy here. You are assuming that going out with someone necessarily involves making out and getting sexual. Throw that assumption in the trash where it belongs. You can get into a relationship with someone and still refrain from getting physically intimate.
Your non-acknowledgement of having this option is probably why you wait so long to get into relationships. The truth is, there's nothing wrong with getting into official relationships more quickly, provided that you remember that you are not obligated to become physically intimate as soon as that happens. You can still have a long waiting period WITHIN the relationship in which you refrain from being physically intimate until you are more sure about a guy's character. There's NOTHING wrong with that.
Because you have been thinking that you are obligated to become physically intimate as soon as the relationship starts, you have been postponing the creation of the relationship, which means that you are not sending as many signals of attraction and receptiveness to the men that you are interacting with. As @AmongTheApples said, this lack of signals causes men to lose hope, so they start looking for hope elsewhere (with other women).
With that said, I want to mention your presentation. You have an attractive face and slender body, which are both pleasing to the eye, but your fashion sense... You have overalls (masculine) over sportswear (masculine) which is black (overused by black women) translucent so it shows your bra (suggesting an easy lay). Embrace your femininity (to appeal to men more), embrace colors that create a pleasant contrast with your skin tone to make yourself more visually interesting (thus attracting male attention toward your femininity), and embrace modesty (so you attract the right kind of male attention).1
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