Pre-asking out a friend? Good idea or huge mistake?

I have a friend I've had a crush on for a while, and recently realized I had stronger feelings for. Before I left for the summer, I asked her if she'd be interested in going out sometime when I got back in fall. Rationale being:

- wanted her to know I like her so if she liked me back, she'd be less likely to start dating someone else over the summer

- if she was unsure of how she felt, give her some time to start thinking about me differently without being dating

Long story short, she said that in fall she'd say yes to a date with me if nothing changed over the summer. Do you think it was smart to ask before summer or would have been better to ask in fall for an immediate date?

  • Good idea asking early
    Vote A
  • Should have just waited until fall
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Well, I don't know if asking early had maybe increased my chances, but it doesn't really matter because I talked to her today and things have changed and she's no longer interested. Now to try to selvage a friendship...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think asking now is the better move. It kinda puts a "reserve" in her mind for you. Either she will date you or not. Asking now or later will not change how she feels about you. But, asking later will give her time to meet and start dating someone else. Now that you have asked her, if she does meet someone else she may hesitate dating them because you are on her mind now!

    • That's what I was afraid of. There was a girl I was going to ask out after last summer, but when I got back to school she had started dating someone else. For as long and as much as I like this girl I didn't want to risk waiting too long.

    • I also figured, since I do want to stay friends with her if things don't work out, that if she'd have said no outright it would have given us time away from each other to forget about it and come back as friends. Turned out not to be an issue

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • good idea=you know the person
    bad idea=if the relationship fails you will lose a friend

    • Yeah, we've both said not ruing our friendship is a priority but I know it's still a definite possibility. Do you think it would be better when I go back to ask her out right away or wait a bit to get comfortable/try to get a little more flirty with her before asking her on a date for real?

    • wait a little bit

What Guys Said 1

  • You should have waited, but you don't have a time machine... so you got to deal with what you have.

    • what do you think the drawback of asking early was?

    • Same reason a car salesman doesn't want you to leave the dealership. Odd are you won't come back and buy

    • No idea how those are related

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