Seeing this guy - doing everything right - why insnt he taking it further?

Okay so I'm seeing this guy and I'm pretty sure I'm doing an okay job.
I ask him how footballs going -one of his passions.
- I support him while he's quitting smoking.
- the funny side. (Which he's told me I'm funny.)
- I show that I care about him (has told me I'm a caring person)
- he confides in me and I help make him feel better.
- I help please him sexually too.

I just don't see what I'm doing wrong? Is there something's that makes you automatically click and think yep I want to take her out? Am I doing something wrong? Missing something?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Problem is it's just not meant to be, if it was, being with him and getting him to fall for you would be natural and effortless, not like "a job" you think you're doing okay at.

    But either way nothing just clicks randomly, something has to change for a person to start seeing you differently, you can't expect to do the same thing over and over then randomly one day he just develops feelings for you, you come across as the type of person who tries to be really nice and do everything for a person they like, acting like that will get you taken advantage of.

    Think of it like a job (I know earlier I said it shouldn't be, but this is just an analogy), if you work really hard for 15$ an hour and the boss knows that regardless of if you get a raise or not you'll still work just as hard and you'll never leave the company they might be nice and give you your well deserved raise, or they might take advantage of the fact that they can get you to do a 20$/h job for only 15, and that's the position you seem to be in. But a worker who refuses to stay with a company who doesn't pay them how they deserve to be paid will be properly paid. Even if they have to switch companies to do so.

    Moral of the story, we as humans tend to take advantage of things we think will always be there for us and we really notice how much something means to us when we've

    A) Lost it
    B) Are going to lose it
    C) Know there's a possibility of losing it

    A person who's always at your beck & call and does anything to make you happy will make you happy, but they'll probably also not get the respect they deserve. People look for a partner who can somewhat "challenge" them (at times), not be their doormat/yes-man or yes-girl. You value things you have to work for more, if he never has to work for you/obtain you to a certain extent he'll probably never value you enough to be scared to lose you to the point he'll ditch every other girl for you as long as you do the same with guys for him.

    • As I agree with some of that, which is pretty insightful. Some of it doesn't add up as we do argue and he has nearly lost me quite a number of times & vice versa yet we always go back to each other after a week. I do admit I put more effort in then I should and I don't see it as a job but I agree I put more time and effort in then most probably nescesary. I think it's to do with the fact that I think if i don't it will end and I don't want that... It scares me.

    • Show All
    • I've walked out of his life & I have come back. But he's walked out of my life & he came back too. He invited me to a party the other night too meet his friends & I've been round his house just chilling, cuddling, back massages etc which he let his mum know about. We don't get to see each other a lot due to work, for example he's away working till Monday now & won't be home till Tuesday. It used to be just sex as we started out as friends with benefits but since our last big argument things have changed & were both now seeing each other & seeing where it goes.

      He just sent me this text also - "you don't always have to make it sexual you know?" Which completely threw me as I made a sexual joke yes but sex is only 10% of our topics as we text everyday.
      I'm 19 & he'll be 26 next month.

    • I figured there was a big age difference. Because of maturity reasons mainly most older guys won't commit to a younger girl who's yet to fully get a grasp on life, they'll chase younger girls for sex cause they're easy (no offense) but rarely look for something serious with one.

      At your age you probably shouldn't be pursuing anybody older than their early 20s (so like 24 max) as much as you may like older guys, you're not at a stage in your life where any older guy (who's not a loser) will be seriously interested in you (again no offense, it's not your fault, you're just too young for that).

      And as far as relationships that start out as FWB, they never usually get much further, it's kind of like a plane, and when you hop on the flight "friends with benefits" it's probably not going to take a detour through relationship-ville. Judging by your interest in a person that much older than you and the way how you treat him it kind of seems like u may have some sort of daddy issues

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Its pretty much obvious. He has other 'options' too, so he's probably taking it further only with one of them while keeping the others (including you) as just that - 'options'.


What Girls Said 2

  • I agree with the previous girl's opinion: he might just see u as a friends with benefits type of thing.

    • We've already talked & he's told me he likes me & where just two people who are seeing what happens.

    • Ask him out and see what he says.

  • Maybe because you're giving him all the benefits of a relationship without him having to actually make a commitment.

    • He probably only sees you as his fuckbuddy/emotional support buddy.

    • yeah exactly. there is nothing that is leaving him wanting more. he's getting it all for free:P

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