When do you know its appropriate to call someone your gf/bf? When giving someone that title, what are you afraid of?

So I was thinking back and trying to count how many gf's I've had. And if I go by the traditional view of what a gf is, I haven't had any. I've never been wth anyone longer than 2 months. Which would be considered a fling. here's why I dont consider them gfs

Most people think the title of gf/bf has a very heavy commitment and obligation attached, and involves entitlements to that persons time, money, effort, affection, etc. This makes people afraid of using that title, people are hesitant to call someone they are seeing or hooking up with their bf or gf. Well, going by that I've never had a gf.

Instead, maybe we should begin to use the term lightly. Instead of saying, "my fuck buddy" or fwb, or "person I am taking advantage of," why can't we just assume the title of gf or bf have a more casual connotation?

I think this would be healthy for society and relationships. Its less confusing, and gives the other person recognition. It also makes us feel less ashamed for hooking up with them, and probably people will end up making better selections and choices if we let the gf/bf title become more casual.

I think it would equalize the dating scene for both men and women. Going by this model, I have had like 20 gfs. From one night stands, to girls I had several make out sessions with, and seasonal flings. It would make me feel better and feel some solidarity with those women. As if I have been a player all this time!

But then why didn't any of those girls want to give me the title of bf? What were they afraid of?

Please read my entire passage, and understand what I am saying before answering


Most Helpful Girl

  • To me, if two people are ready to not date other people then they're a couple.


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What Girls Said 2

  • To me having the title bf/gf means you want to be exclusive with that one in this world... So I think there's just so many that are afraid of commitment that shy away from the title... Lol! But if you wanna be the one that starts bf/gf as a casual term I'll join in :D

    • Casual can mean many things, what does it mean to you? That could mean, we are allowed to see other people, or we can see other couples. I wouldn't mind either, but generally, I get the most satisfaction from dating one woman at a time.

    • Yeah to me... Casual means that you are allowed to see other people... ;) But yeah I think that's why people shy away from the bf/gf titles BC their afraid of being exclusive and commitment is what I mean ;)... Personally my point in dating is to find that one to be committed to so if I get there with someone that would make me happy...

      I just thought you meant that you wanted to change the term bf/gf to mean something more casual... ;) than what's become... :)

  • It all comes down the the people involved. If the two individuals are committed to one another and not see other people, they are a couple. But some don't see it that way. They tend to wait a while longer before considering them their befriend or girlfriend due to still trying to figure out if that relationship would be something they are interested in continuing.

    • how many men do you date at any one time, usually?

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    • It's a title one only gives when the person is ready to consider the other as their boyfriend

    • Thats what I mean. If you have a date to a wedding, that person is your bf/gf. Maybe for just one day, but that day you werent single. Especially if there's the expectation that you will be exclusive, going home together taht night, or paying for each others meals and gifts.

      Or it could be a one month fling. You may not have been very committed or serious. As in very few dates, you dont text or call each other everyday. But for that length of time, if that was the only person you were seeing they should be just called your bf/gf. Its simplifies dating. We dont have to question our role, or come up with different terms to explain what we mean to that person. Bf/gf is only an agreement made by 2 consenting adults with no permanent attachment, obligation or entitlement. The key word is "friend" that you're more than a friend but still a friend. Just like fb or fwb.

What Guys Said 2

  • Here's the thing though: having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship does not involve any entitlement to money, effort, affection, commitment, or anything else. It's just an agreement to have a monogamous relationship that may or may not work out long-term. It's never meant anything more than that. This is why I have zero patience for people who refrain from getting into relationships with people they like. "Are you in or out? Choose."

    • The status of a relationship may not entitle either party to anything. But there are expectations held by each person who make the agreement. And if those expectations are not fulfilled, well, pleasure doing business with you but I am taking my business elsewhere

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    • Actually, its more common for me to want the relationship, but she is the one who puts off the gf/bf title

    • Then you need to start making it clear upfront that you are wanting a relationship, not a mere fuck toy.

  • really, casual dating means you are allowed to see other people?