I love him, but is he over her?

Excuse the length of this post; I'm trying to make sense of my present situation.

I’m 16. At the beginning of the year, a friend moved back after five years. I had a bit of a passive crush on him at first, but was too shy to really get to know him, and two months later he began dating some other girl. I gave up on him, and we didn’t really talk for months.

We started hanging out in May after I had a huge fight with my best friend, who betrayed ten years of trust, and he broke up with his girlfriend after she cheated on him with several of his friends. It seems as though he really loved her, and he was very depressed for about a month.

We've gotten quite close since then, and my crush has become more of a complete infatuation. It’s always been awkward between us, but I couldn’t tell if this was simply because he didn’t know me very well yet, or because he liked me. He’s always smiled at me and has bought me a few things, but I can’t tell if this is just because I’m his friend.

Recently he’s been getting more comfortable around me, and I think he may actually like me. We went swimming together with some friends, and I was crammed in a raft with him. He was holding my legs and I was leaning on him, and it was all very comfortable. After we got out of the pool and got dressed he followed me around my house, pressing up against me whenever I stopped. Up until now he’s been a bit cautious about any physical contact between us, but yesterday it seemed as though all boundaries between us sort of melted away.

I am completely infatuated with him, but I can’t tell if he’s yet over his ex-girlfriend. It’s been almost four months since they broke up, but they were dating for six or seven months, and he was so upset after they broke up. I would like to ask him out before school starts, and before we go on a two-week school trip to England in about a month, but I don’t want to rush him into anything.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I don’t know how to react to a situation like this. I would ask him out, but, given his messy breakup, I don’t want to force a relationship that he’s not ready for upon him. I’m afraid that I’ll ruin everything with him if I move too quickly, but I’m also afraid that I’ll miss my chance if I just sit here waiting for him to ask me out. What should I do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Thanks for answering my question... Have you ever heard of the phrase "on the rebound"? He may or not be on the rebound, but regardless you might want to wait a little while if you really care about him, just to be safe. Ask him out in England!

    • Yeah, that's really what I'm worried about. If I did date him too soon, I'm afraid he would be simply using me to get over her, and things would collapse soon after. He's not the kind of person who would intentionally do that, but it is a definite possibility that something like that could happen.

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