SHY GIRLS: Need advice on nervous introverted girl?

I started talking to a girl on Facebook last month, we have mutual friends so that's how I found her.

Long story short we have a ton in common - in terms of interests I can't imagine finding anyone else more compatible.

The problem is we still haven't met in person. Last week I asked her out and she said that her car was being worked on and she wouldn't be able to for a few days. I waited three days and asked if she'd have a chance to meet up on the weekend... she said probably. So I shot by a specific time to have lunch at the park. She said she wanted to say yes but she had to go drive with her dad or something.

So at this point I pretty much am thinking this is a sign to back off. The next day though I gave it one more shot and asked her if she wanted to move our plans to Sunday. She never really answered the question but we started talking and she told me that she has issues meeting people, and she doesn't want me to think that she's giving me lame excuses because she doesn't want to meet me. She said she gets a little freaked out by meeting people because it takes so much energy for her to be around people (she's very introverted).

I'm introverted too, so I told her I understand and that it would be ok once we talked a bit in person. I told her we have a lot in common and that would help and she agreed. I asked her if she wanted to give Sunday a go again and she stopped replying.

I don't know what else to do at this point. I honestly think she's interested, but what else can I do. Any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, I did the same thing to the guy i'm with now. It took me just over a month to finally take him up on his offer. I'm definitely not a social butterfly, striking up a conversation is harder for me than writing a million word essay haha. It wasn't that I didn't want to meet him, it was just the feeling of being rejected. Like, what if he doesn't like me and also what do i talk about. I'm pretty sure she'll come round eventually, I'd definitely keep at it if you're that into her. But don't ask all the time. Just tell her that if she's freaked out about meeting you that it's ok, just when she feels comfortable and ready. Even ask her what she wants to do instead of suggesting yourself. My guy was throwing all these suggestions at me like dinner or lunch and it kind of freaked me out cause i have no idea what to talk about for that long. It's kind of intimidating sitting there and staring at someone while you eat and you're trying to think of what to say.
    In the end we went to see a movie. We didn't have to talk to each other all the time (and the movie, X-Men, was good) and when it finished we had X-Men to talk about so it was a lot easier for me than staring at someone while they eat haha. I'm shy as f*** so if she's anything like me (Probably is, we did the exact same thing- finding an excuse to postpone) it's just because she's shy. AND she's not turning you down, she's just putting it of until she feels comfortable and confident enough to face ya :)

    • This makes a lot of sense to me, thank you for sharing. Yeah, I'll keep quiet about it for a while until the time feels right. Like you said, she probably just needs to feel comfortable. My worry is that we get to know each other so well over text that it becomes even harder to face each other in person. Does that make sense? We'll see what happens though!

    • No worries mate :) Yeah i definitely get what you're saying. Sometimes you feel like you've talked about everything you can through text and you know everything, then you have nothing to say in person. But really you have a lot to talk about you just gotta think about it. If you do something like watch a movie it's easier to talk afterwards because you can talk about it and then you just branch out to other topics. But i definitely felt like that when I went on my first date with the guy. It is the whole "being comfortable" thing though, meeting a random person is so scary for some people. I think she'll come round to it, you just have to be patient, and that'd be easy if you like her that much. All the best :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • Seems like you should just wait for her to approach you and invite you out (or just for her to let you know she wants to meet up). I'm introverted too but if I really like someone, I'm not going to try to get out of hanging out with them. Introversion doesn't equate to being painfully shy and that seems like her problem. You can be introverted and still enjoy being social (it's just that you don't derive you energy from social situations).

    I say let her make the next move. If she's as interested as she claims, she'll let you know she wants to hang.

    • Thanks for the response, I think that's what I'm going to do. Do you think having lunch at the park is too much? I thought that would be pretty laid back and not too intense.

    • I agree that would be laid back. That's a good choice. Good luck!

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