Socially awkward and little confidence... How do I approach a girl and what do I talk about?

Any advice on how to approach girls and how to show interest is appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Confidence is a skill to be gained. You're confident about tying your shoes aren't you? It's because you do it very often. Start small. You shouldn't start out just cold approaching random girls. Maybe just smile a friendly smile at the girls you walk by some might be prudes but they're not worth it) and once you're comfortable doing that, try just saying hi to girls that you see. Then work your way up to having conversation. I think once you're comfortable just interacting with people period, conversation becomes easier.

    • yes, great advice - start small and work your way up!

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What Guys Said 2

  • First you need topics. Topics are generated by experience. Experience is generated by partaking in activities. How deep you participate in an activity is how far you can talk about it.

    If you want to find and meet a lot of different woman, experience a lot of different things. Gain a lot of different knowledge. If you want to meet women with very specific interests, experience those topics yourself. Like a girl who is into sports? Go and work out. Like a girl who is into anime? Watch anime and go to conventions, shops and gatherings. Like guns? A shooting range. Art? A gallery.

    As you explore these topics, you open yourself up to meet women. Your subject matter becomes less awkward. You talk with confidence or passion on a topic. If a woman doesn't share the same interest, change topics, or move on chalking it up to you're not compatible.

    If you are in an area you don't know much about, and it seems like the woman knows a lot, then tell her you're new to this and ask if she can explain it. Then show her how well you can listen, and take interest. If she's into you, she'll appreciate this.
    If you're both inexperienced, suggest exploring the topic together. She'll enjoy your sense of adventure.
    If you know more than her, offer to explain and show it to her.

    The world around you is also an awesome topic, and the more you understand and are aware of the world and general setting, the better your ability to just strike up a conversation.

    Further, learn about taboos, sensitive subjects, bad conversation starters, and how to approach and speak with people. That's too broad of a subject to cover on it's own though.

    Interest is shown by flirtatious behavior. Stay subtle. You do not want to have expectations, and you want her to always be comfortable with you. Lose her comfort, and you lose her interest. There's also a difference between her being uncomfortable with herself, and uncomfortable with you. It's easy to tell the difference.

  • "Your job is to be like the ocean. Wave after wave, you crash against the shore. Every rock that lines the shore is an opportunity, a diamond in the rough. You will caress this coastline countless times - often breaking against it fiercely in despair, during stormy weather. Other times, you'll gracefully navigate the crevices and be amazed at the life and beauty you find nestled amongst the seemingly barren stones." - Me

    There is no "secret weapon" that you can use flawlessly on women that will allow you to walk up to them and be accepted. There's a lot of people willing to sell you books and seminars - and a lot of the techniques are clever - but in the end, all of them recommend that you just try SOMETHING - ANYTHING - to get conversations started.

    At first, you will fail miserably. You'll still feel your old awkward self, with no topic, no timing, no sense of direction. But get this - once you've had that conversation 10, 20, 100 times, you'll start to realize what works and what doesn't.

    You'll get the best results if you stay away from religion, politics, and other hot-button topics. Stick with things that make people smile, or put them in a good mood. Talking about travel usually does well, although again, you'll have to improvise if she claims she's never been outside of East Kansas.

    Make sure to make the conversation about her. Don't make it an interview & don't volunteer information until she asks it of you - even your name!

    Stay away from the trap of "What's your name? Where are you from? What school do you go to?" Above all, you want your conversation to be >unique<, fun, and expectation-free. You should have a general sense of where you want the conversation to lead (intro, feel out if the person is interesting, grab contact info and/or set up a date if yes), but never cling to an end result or goal, as your agenda will be sensed immediately.

    Casual, fun, a little mysterious, intriguing, smart, humorous = you. Share that, and have fun!

    • Great advice. Rings very true.

      Only problem is, if you're a rookie on the ropes and you have no clue what you're doing, this advice is like explaining the opening of the third eye, or seeing the countryside of France, or the epiphany that all are human as one.
      Until you experience it, it is a foreign concept. Once you've experienced it, you understand it every time it's told to you.