Do I have mental problems? how can I get over this problem?

so for a long time i've blamed my looks that guys don't ask me out but they actually do that. i really don't go out much and when i do with other people than my friends it happens that a guy likes me and tries to get in contact with me, i chat with him a little and then i try to push him away when he asks me to go out with him. for some reasons i am so scared to go out. i am afraid he's not going to like my looks or that we don't have what to talk about. i am such a shy and quiet person around people. i hate that. i wish i were bubbly and sociable but i've always been like this. i am a fun person just around people i know. how can i fix this? when i have to go on a date i feel this fear that won't get away and i invent an excuse just the push the guy away. I don't know why i hate going out that much. this summer i haven't even went out with my friends much and that has affected me. i am so afraid that i will be like this for the rest of my life. i am so afraid of life.. i can't have fun.. i hate everything about myself.. i feel like i need help
and i feel like i tend to avoid going on dates just to get away that feeling of fear


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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like you have a bit of a social anxiety. Welcome to the world of dating. Its rife with social awkwardness, weird happenings, and generally wondering if you should or should do this or that. Then you spend days after wondering if the person thought you are weird or crazy.
    You just have to take small steps, get out of your safe place and it will be ok. I mean you dont have to dive head first into things. but when it comes to date, go on double dates. That way there is a level of comfort there and people can save you if the date is going badly.
    I am the same way in that I dont like going out all the time because it is mildly expensive and its also really really tedious after a while. I did all that years ago. I like to go out from time to time. but as I have gotten older I've become more of a home body.
    Also remember this a guy is going to like you for all that you are. Not what he wants you to be. Id rather a girl tell me she has social anxieties and is willing to work around them, then let those anxieties rule her life.


What Girls Said 1

  • You do not have mental problems. That is for one. I have worked in mental institutes where people have genuine problems. I think you are just in a slump of sorts... You obviously have friends, you mentioned them - your main concern should be building stronger friendships before going out on a date. Have a girl you can talk to about these things and she will soon become your best friend - I am sure she will want to talk to you about things as well..
    When you are ready to go on a date, I recommend making it a double date with a girlfriend and her boyfriend or the guy you are seeings friend. This will make the atmosphere a lot more comfortable for you. Solo dates can be awkward in of themselves because you are still getting to know each other and don't have a lot to really talk about - which leads to quiet moments...

    Get with your girlfriends and be around positive energy & then double date when you meet someone you are interested in. :)

    • hello! thank you for taking your time to write me. i do have a best girl friend and there was a guy that liked me but he was also shy so we went on a date with my best friend, a guy friend of us and him but i didn't talk much to him and he probably thought i didn't like him or something like that or he was also too shy to make a move.. i don't know.. i just can't flirt with a guy..

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    • well we were in a cafe

    • Try something a little more interactive next time. I love cafe's but sometimes it is more relaxed when you aren't constantly think about what to say, rather you are doing something active and fun.

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